Porn Saved My Life(Long Read)
It was my sophomore year of college. I had class at 8:45, so I would wake up do the normal shiht, shower, shave and jerk-off before class. I had 3 other roomies in 4/4. I was in my room about to watch Obsession vs Mandingo when I noticed a shadow in my window.
Now right outside the window was the ac unit, so I figured it was just the groundskeeper of the complex tinkering around with it. I went to investigate and confirmed. As I walked back to my chair it hit me.
The groundskeeper had dreads down to his butt. This person outside my window had short dreads. No one cuts their dreads short. Usually they cut them all off. So I did a double take. I peeked through the blinds and saw some dusty bum ngga with a knife cutting through my screen. I run to my door.
Now my dumbass roommate like to play pranks all the fkcing time. Putting mayo on your bedroom door
or tying fishing wire throughout the house like a phaggot. That morning he decided to tie my bedroom door to the roommates down the hall.
I was trapped. I started screaming like a little biotch for him to come let me out. He thought I was overreacting till I told him someone was breaking into my room as we speak. He untied that shyt. I burst through the door and I must've hit every boobie trap of fishing wire he had but I didn't care lol.
I guess dude heard me through them thin ass walls cause when we looked outside the living room window, there he was walking away with my screen and a fcking sword in his hand. My roomie was like
I could have died with my pants around my ankles. It would have looked like some David Carradine asphyxiation type death. But had I not been up to accommodate the time I took away from in the morning to jerk-off I would have been sleeping and possibly not typing on the coli right now.
We called the cops and that fool got arrested. Apparently he was high on crack. It was broad fcking daylight.