ogc163
Superstar
I went to a dinner party a while ago and the conversation turned to President Trump. "It's too bad that the Mueller report is not going to nail him," one guest said. "Wouldn't it be great if Trump went to jail for tax evasion!?" Other guests laughed. Then one guest free associated to a conversation he'd had about the meaning of schadenfreude. Being German, he pointed out that there is no word in English that captures the meaning of the German word, no word for taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
There are words for it in other languages, but not in English. The Japanese have a saying: “The misfortune of others tastes like honey.” The French speak of joie maligne, a diabolical delight in other people’s suffering. The Dane at the table said the Danish word is skadefryd. Another offered the Hebrew word, simcha la-ed; and another offered the Russian word, zloradstvo. Tiffany Watt Smith[1], gives a good example. "When my brother took his kids on a fabulous summer holiday to America, I felt bad because I never take my kids anywhere since it’s too much effort and too expensive. And then I saw his Facebook page: it rained."
Knowing no other languages and being a psychoanalyst, what came to my mind during the discussion of schadenfreude was Melanie Klein's concept of envy. She defined it as the angry feeling when another person possesses something desirable, often accompanied by an impulse to take it away or spoil it. Envy, Klein posited, heightens persecution and guilt.
After I explained it to the other guests, it became obvious to me (and probably to them) that envy is not the same as schadenfreude. But it made me realize that envy is often the motivation for it. Getting pleasure from other people's suffering is often rooted in the wish to take away or spoil something that is desirable.
That led me to the difference between jealousy and envy. Of course, each of these words has numerous meanings, but over the years I have created my own distinction. I define jealousy as "I want that too." Jealousy can lead to positive results—e.g. "I can also take a vacation in Italy if I save up for it." Envy, on the other hand, is the desire to ruin or diminish the desirability of the object or experience in question—e.g. "What a stupid place to go on vacation!" Envy evokes contempt and never leads to positive results.
I view envy as much more destructive than jealousy. Melanie Klein sees envy as a manifestation of primary destructiveness, to some extent constitutionally based, and worsened by adverse life experiences. She argued that the baby wants to bite the breast that feeds her because she envies the mother being the source of the milk. But the baby is dependent on the mother for milk so she feels guilty for hurting the mother.
I don't believe envy is primary, but I think Klein's conceptualization is a metaphor for a common feeling that I have seen in many patients. Patsy, for example, gets angry at me when I give her an interpretation that helps her because she resents that I have the resources (milk) to give her what she needs (because she is empty). Her envy of my ability to help her makes her contemptuous of my interpretations, but also heightens her feelings of guilt.
My patient, Paul, is consumed by envy and contempt. When his friend Steve bought a house on Fire Island, Paul railed about how stupid it was to buy a house that was so expensive. As we talked about it, it became clear that Paul wished he could afford to buy a beach house. Belittling Steve's house was a way of trying to not want it. Who would want to make such a stupid purchase? And when Steve's house was badly damaged in a storm, Paul experienced the joy of schadenfreude.
Melanie Klein believed that gratitude is the antidote for envy. In psychoanalysis, ideally, the ability to appreciate being given something nourishing by the analyst eventually makes the patient feel filled up and counteracts the anger that the analyst has all the resources that the patient does not have and desperately needs. Unfortunately, envy shuts out gratitude, so the path to gratitude can be a long and arduous one for patients consumed with envy.
www.psychologytoday.com /us/blog/life-after-50/201906/envy-and-schadenfreude
There are words for it in other languages, but not in English. The Japanese have a saying: “The misfortune of others tastes like honey.” The French speak of joie maligne, a diabolical delight in other people’s suffering. The Dane at the table said the Danish word is skadefryd. Another offered the Hebrew word, simcha la-ed; and another offered the Russian word, zloradstvo. Tiffany Watt Smith[1], gives a good example. "When my brother took his kids on a fabulous summer holiday to America, I felt bad because I never take my kids anywhere since it’s too much effort and too expensive. And then I saw his Facebook page: it rained."
Knowing no other languages and being a psychoanalyst, what came to my mind during the discussion of schadenfreude was Melanie Klein's concept of envy. She defined it as the angry feeling when another person possesses something desirable, often accompanied by an impulse to take it away or spoil it. Envy, Klein posited, heightens persecution and guilt.
After I explained it to the other guests, it became obvious to me (and probably to them) that envy is not the same as schadenfreude. But it made me realize that envy is often the motivation for it. Getting pleasure from other people's suffering is often rooted in the wish to take away or spoil something that is desirable.
That led me to the difference between jealousy and envy. Of course, each of these words has numerous meanings, but over the years I have created my own distinction. I define jealousy as "I want that too." Jealousy can lead to positive results—e.g. "I can also take a vacation in Italy if I save up for it." Envy, on the other hand, is the desire to ruin or diminish the desirability of the object or experience in question—e.g. "What a stupid place to go on vacation!" Envy evokes contempt and never leads to positive results.
I view envy as much more destructive than jealousy. Melanie Klein sees envy as a manifestation of primary destructiveness, to some extent constitutionally based, and worsened by adverse life experiences. She argued that the baby wants to bite the breast that feeds her because she envies the mother being the source of the milk. But the baby is dependent on the mother for milk so she feels guilty for hurting the mother.
I don't believe envy is primary, but I think Klein's conceptualization is a metaphor for a common feeling that I have seen in many patients. Patsy, for example, gets angry at me when I give her an interpretation that helps her because she resents that I have the resources (milk) to give her what she needs (because she is empty). Her envy of my ability to help her makes her contemptuous of my interpretations, but also heightens her feelings of guilt.
My patient, Paul, is consumed by envy and contempt. When his friend Steve bought a house on Fire Island, Paul railed about how stupid it was to buy a house that was so expensive. As we talked about it, it became clear that Paul wished he could afford to buy a beach house. Belittling Steve's house was a way of trying to not want it. Who would want to make such a stupid purchase? And when Steve's house was badly damaged in a storm, Paul experienced the joy of schadenfreude.
Melanie Klein believed that gratitude is the antidote for envy. In psychoanalysis, ideally, the ability to appreciate being given something nourishing by the analyst eventually makes the patient feel filled up and counteracts the anger that the analyst has all the resources that the patient does not have and desperately needs. Unfortunately, envy shuts out gratitude, so the path to gratitude can be a long and arduous one for patients consumed with envy.
www.psychologytoday.com /us/blog/life-after-50/201906/envy-and-schadenfreude
