Do people you date have an impact on you? Positive or negative

[intruder]

I just saw my boy's ex wife a minute ago.

Homegirl (white) used to be very attractive somewhat fit but in good shape about a year and a half ago. I saw her drop off the kids at my homeboy's house and i barely recognized her.

She used to be about 130 to 140 lbs (guessing) healthy 5'7.

I'm pretty certain she's hauling 180 lbs now.

So as she gets out the car i go over and hug her to say what up then her new man steps out the car. No doubt in my mind this cat is 300+ lbs or close to it.

That shyt got me thinking about how people you associate with or date can coerce certain habits wether good or bad.

• This chick i dated in college was a ball player on my schools team and always use to drag me to the gym with her after my knee surgery to help me strengthen it.
• THis other african chick i dated made me contemplate vegetarianism. Not just for the health factors but mostly because she was a damn good vegetarian cook.
• At the same time I remember wanting to quit drinking for good at some point only to see my drinking damn near quadruple when i was fukking with this chick from Chicago who pretty much lived in a bottle.

THink I've had some impact on some too. I helped the bball chick by dragging her to the library to study more. Even after we broke up and i graduated before her. She graduated late but still doing well now as an engineer in AZ. To think she was on the brink of dropping out.

 

[WaveCapsByOscorp™]

more mental than physical. actually, i can't think of one woman i've dated altering my physical appearance. of course that sometimes leads to physical changes down the line but i can't think of one that's directly related. the last romantic relationship i was in, the girl altered my approach or standards in regards to other women. it's funny because i was thinking about it earlier today. i have a much more harder time trying to get into flings and one nighters since she's been gone. in fact i haven't since she been gone (just a little over a month now). it's not like i've been trying to but i've been in situations that would prompt that attitude and now, since dealing with her, i feel like a fish out of water.

basically, we were talking one day and i was mentioning how refreshing it was to be dealing with someone that was actually highly attentive to my desires rather than dealing with women from a game-like perspective, and rather than dealing with multiple women very briefly and people you're basically have to not care about at all. it's consumption-based relationships and you're always just trying to get something from someone rather than someone giving you something and you're never satisfied until you get what you want from that person. you are, more or less, thinking about what that person does for you rather than who the person is and what they're about. you don't see the value in who they are until they're "adding" something to you. anyways, i was telling her about all that and some of the stuff she said in return made me think about not to fukking around out there with random women anymore and really look for some girl i want to deal with rather than just getting my rocks off all the time.

so, in short, she "spoiled" me a little bit. but i don't consider it "spoiling" me as much as she made me focus more on expecting more from myself and others around me...

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

I agree with phourtay. For me it was more mental than anything else.

Every individual I've entertained seriously enhanced my perception or made me see aspects of myself I was previously blind to.

I don't believe anything in life is negative, unless you choose to see it that way. Unless of course you're easily influenced by others and led down demonic pastures....

 

[intruder]

Noone will have a direct impact on you physically unless they physically harm you.

I'm talking about developing habits which can then have all sorts of impact either physical or mental and other such as even health issues.

 

[DaRealness]

This probably doesn't answer the question, but I'd say in my own experience separating has actually made me look after my health even more. Not because of anything she said or did, but the whole experience has given me the desire and motivation to better myself physically and mentally.

A lot of people let themselves go when they experience hardship, but the way my mind works is that those are the times you need to take extra care of yourself and overcome the barriers. Right now, I'm probably just as or even more healthy and physically fit than I was 10 years ago.

That's why I don't look at anything regretfully or as a negative, I just see it as another learning experience and an opportunity for self improvement.

Plus I refuse to give anyone so much power that I spiral into self destruction.

 

[Rawtid]

I've learned that I have a very weak mind which is why I don't date. I have to get myself right first.

 

[Boutdatlife]

I usually influence them to do better


I stepped all my ex's game up. I introduce them to the finer things in life.

This is something they always thank me for. I don't spend a lot of time with them so I make up for it with material things