Coli young cats: what is the best dating advice for young men in this age?

[DrBanneker]

So, this post honestly comes from a personal place. My oldest son is approaching adolescence so I will be doing those "talks" soon enough.

Don't get me wrong, I know how to put him on to game, talk about how to approach women, how to be confident, warning signs etc. But looking at the world and reading the forum I wonder if I am a bit out of date.

I came of age in the 90s and after a late blooming I basically never had an issue with meeting with, talking to, dating, or sealing the deal with women. In my case these were all Black women. I met my wife in the mid 2000s and the rest is history.

Back when we met online dating was still sketchy, social media was MySpace, and smartphones were Blackberries. I have never had an online dating profile or used a dating app. I just got an IG for my business this year.

Back then norms were different too. This 50/50 debate was something that came up if you had repeat dates. Every dude paid for the first date even if you were living lean just to show you had means. Women didn't have these outrageous demands for first date dinners though either.

I hear stuff like this 50/50 on the first date, women not responding to public cold approach as much, the requirement to have a social media presence, and the whole bagging chicks on IG. I have literally no frame of reference for some of this stuff.

It's crazy because my pops grew up in the 60s and his advice was relatable but I'm not as sure about the situation now.

In short, what are the top things a young Black man should know about how to move with women these days? A lot of stuff is timeless, especially how men and women act, but as far as the social aspect, what works best to meet and court women these days or has not that much changed as folks claim?

Ladies feel free to respond too.

 

[Vandelay]

Make money, have a long-term plan. Girls/women want to come along for the ride. They don't want to be "the ride."

I'm assuming he's high school age, do something so he stands out from the crowd; sports, grades, art, whatever... Just do shyt different from everyone else. Same thing at high school, you just don't need to have a certain salary/job... but you do need an image.

 

[africngiant]

treat every gen z zenielle bytch as if shes a whore

 

[cyndaquil]

As a young breh the best thing he can do is like @Vandelay said and focus on his goals. As far as social media goes and these convos I think he's better off just posting things and activities that involve his hobbies (if he chooses to participate at all honestly).

And that cold approach stuff is wrong. Women actually respond more to the cold approach now because all these dudes are too p*ssy and lack the social skills to approach that it makes it easier since you're doing something different.

The timeless stuff still works:
Smell good, don't engage in games (one sided convos, ghosting, etc.), stay fit, be confident, don't put her on a pedestal, don't be broke etc.

 

[HabitualChiller]

1. If a woman doesn't message you for an entire day, assume that she ghosted you. Women are damn near always on their phones... people in general, really.
2. "No" means "no". If a woman isn't interested in you off-rip, just move on. Don't try to do something to change her mind. If you do, you can end up looking like a buffoon, creep, try-hard, or simp.
3. Always use a condom unless you're in a committed relationship with that person, and if you're tied down, make sure she's on birth control or has an IUD in place.
4. Women like kind but assertive men, not necessarily "nice" ones.
5. Try your best not to fall *too* deeply in love. People are dynamic. We change like the seasons, and the same goes for love, affection, and compatibility. The girl you fell in love with at 21 could be a completely different person 5 years later.

For point 5, I'm saying to keep her leaving you in the back of your mind. Don't think that you can't be that dude crying in the fetal position with My Wife and Kids playing in the background on repeat because you found out that Anthony with the dragon tattoo was deep-dícking your girl with his foot on the back of her head.

 

[Vandelay]

As a young breh the best thing he can do is like @Vandelay said and focus on his goals. As far as social media goes and these convos I think he's better off just posting things and activities that involve his hobbies (if he chooses to participate at all honestly).

And that cold approach stuff is wrong. Women actually respond more to the cold approach now because all these dudes are too p*ssy and lack the social skills to approach that it makes it easier since you're doing something different.

The timeless stuff still works:
Smell good, don't engage in games (one sided convos, ghosting, etc.), stay fit, be confident, don't put her on a pedestal, don't be broke etc.

I look back on my time in middle/high school/college and I would fukk up all my opportunities with girls that were prettier than a 5, not because I was awkward, but because I didn't really step into who I was. Easier said than done I get it, but the easiest way is to double down on something that separates you from the crowd. Which I would do, but I didn't own it.

EDIT: I just realized you addressed this to the young crowd. I'm probably completely wrong now lol

 

[SheWantTheD]

See women and men as people. They are flawed and don’t assume they are above anything. An individual’s character and how they treat you is far more important than what they look like.

It is very difficult to break generational curses and cycles. If their parents are a certain way, best believe they most likely will be too.

Have discernment regarding who you engage in sexual activities with let alone hang out with. You get pulled over in the whip with your friend or significant other and they got drugs or an illegal gun on them. The system gonna try to put that shyt on you both!

Practice safe sex! Having a child with the wrong person will affect you for the rest of your life! You can still contract STDs like herpes with a condom! Do you wanna have to tell every future partner that you got herpes? Hell nah!

Easy sex brings problems. A lot of men out here are so thirsty for sex they don’t care who it comes from.

Have both book smarts and street smarts. Learn from others mistakes.

 

[SheWantTheD]

If you want more options to choose from in the dating pool you need to look like something.

Get a haircut, dress well, hit the gym consistently, eat a healthy and balanced meal.

Be curious about the world, nourish your passions. Read more and less social media scrolling.

Practice humility while also being confident.

Reps matter in everything you do. If you want to be decent at anything, you need to put reps into whatever that is.

 

[Hacksaw Jim Thuggin]

Don't commit
Focus on self

 

[DrBanneker]

I'm assuming he's high school age, do something so he stands out from the crowd; sports, grades, art, whatever... Just do shyt different from everyone else. Same thing at high school, you just don't need to have a certain salary/job... but you do need an image.

And that cold approach stuff is wrong. Women actually respond more to the cold approach now because all these dudes are too p*ssy and lack the social skills to approach that it makes it easier since you're doing something different.

That's really good. I can work with this.

The timeless stuff still works:
Smell good, don't engage in games (one sided convos, ghosting, etc.), stay fit, be confident, don't put her on a pedestal, don't be broke etc.

Yeah I was definitely teaching him this. Luckily he is active and in shape.

If a woman doesn't message you for an entire day, assume that she ghosted you. Women are damn near always on their phones...

Yeah this is good. My old rule was if they don't call you for a week but that was pre-text

If you want more options to choose from in the dating pool you need to look like something.

Get a haircut, dress well, hit the gym consistently, eat a healthy and balanced meal.

Be curious about the world, nourish your passions. Read more and less social media scrolling.

Practice humility while also being confident.

Reps matter in everything you do. If you want to be decent at anything, you need to put reps into whatever that is.

It's good the timeless stuff is still tops, that's what I hoped for.

 

[cyndaquil]

I look back on my time in middle/high school/college and I would fukk up all my opportunities with girls that were prettier than a 5, not because I was awkward, but because I didn't really step into who I was. Easier said than done I get it, but the easiest way is to double down on something that separates you from the crowd. Which I would do, but I didn't own it.

EDIT: I just realized you addressed this to the young crowd. I'm probably completely wrong now lol

There's a quiet truth to this. It's similar to the "be yourself" advice that has frustrated so many dudes. In our youth it's difficult. Adolescence is the time when we are still searching for who we are. We all wanted some form of social acceptance back then whether we admit it or not. Being different was what got you picked on and/or shunned. Following trends was what you were pushed to do whether you did it or not the pressure was there.

The reason I say that is because if you knew yourself then (which nobody really does) you wouldn't have cared if a 9 outta 10 chick didn't like the authentic you. Your net would've been cast much shallower. I remember when I was younger in college it was always quantity "how many bad chicks can I pull?" when I thought about my actions whether an outfit, cologne, etc. Not "how can I best pull the chicks that are right for me?"

We realize now that we don't want every woman and she's doing us a favor by rejecting us if she doesn't like core aspects of ourselves just like when we reject them. This lets us be ourselves and we can change ourselves yes but there is a difference between being adaptable and being a conformist. But no young man is gonna realize this immediately it takes experience and some never realize it in their life.

 

[HabitualChiller]

Practice safe sex! Having a child with the wrong person will affect you for the rest of your life! You can still contract STDs like herpes with a condom! Do you wanna have to tell every future partner that you got herpes? Hell nah!

Personally, I wouldn't even bring up herpes. That shít comes down to "luck of the draw". Like you insinuated, you can do everything right and still catch that shít.

The condom slips, the girl drys up, she gives you head after her outbreak cleared up, but she sucked your balls? Presto! You've [probably] got herpes now.

I think the stigma abut that shít needs to die when it's a lot less harmful and harder to contract than HPV or the other [usually] temporary STDs.

 

[Vandelay]

There's a quiet truth to this. It's similar to the "be yourself" advice that has frustrated so many dudes. In our youth it's difficult. Adolescence is the time when we are still searching for who we are. We all wanted some form of social acceptance back then whether we admit it or not. Being different was what got you picked on and/or shunned. Following trends was what you were pushed to do whether you did it or not the pressure was there.

The reason I say that is because if you knew yourself then (which nobody really does) you wouldn't have cared if a 9 outta 10 chick didn't like the authentic you. Your net would've been cast much shallower. I remember when I was younger in college it was always quantity "how many bad chicks can I pull?" when I thought about my actions whether an outfit, cologne, etc. Not "how can I best pull the chicks that are right for me?"

We realize now that we don't want every woman and she's doing us a favor by rejecting us if she doesn't like core aspects of ourselves just like when we reject them. This lets us be ourselves and we can change ourselves yes but there is a difference between being adaptable and being a conformist. But no young man is gonna realize this immediately it takes experience and some never realize it in their life.

Yeah, the be yourself is 100% true, but it does leave out the greater context of going against the grain as well as some people just aren't going to like you. Both of those things are hard as a kid and I used to dull who I was to fit in. And the wild thing is, in high school I was a nerd, but I got along with everyone because I wanted to fit in. I really wish I owned and doubled down on who I was, because that was the me that really resonated with people.

 

[Jasonmask]

Lot of that is smoke and mirrors. Cold approach works still if not more than when you were growing up. That’s good u are there to show the ropes, I had to figure it out myself but I’ve done well looks carry especially early in dating. Don’t overthink it as long as you’re not super old fashioned you should be good.

 

[-DMP-]

Work on your self and cold approach