Coli Ladies I Have A Question.....

[New Username]

When did you get over your dating insecurities ?

Or insecurities in general

How did it effect your relationship both past and present

My shawty got little insecure habits she not trying to move past atm and this shyt irks the hell out of me.

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

Give us an example of the habits.

 

[Raava]

My deep down insecurities are still here.

I just try to keep them to myself as much as possible.

If they come out, I just try to deal.

 

[New Username]

Give us an example of the habits.

she requires a lot of reassurance because of the direction of our relationship.

I feel like it's an insecure trait because of her last relationship.

I dislike relationship stuff, she's young too so there's that.

I'm fairly honest and open, I made myself available emotional for her which is new for a guy like myself.

 

[New Username]

My deep down insecurities are still here.

I just try to keep them to myself as much as possible.

If they come out, I just try to deal.

Does it effect your relationship with your BF or did you put it behind for y'all sake?

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

she requires a lot of reassurance because of the direction of our relationship.

I feel like it's an insecure trait because of her last relationship.

I dislike relationship stuff, she's young too so there's that.

I'm fairly honest and open, I made myself available emotional for her which is new for a guy like myself.

Which direction is your relationship going in?

Was she hurt previously? Was it abusive?

 

[Raava]

Does it effect your relationship with your BF or did you put it behind for y'all sake?

I have always feared it would run someone away.

It's not really something I can put behind me. I try to work on them and he is understanding. I don't need reassurances, it's internal things. Not really to do with the relationship itself. So I deal with them and he is there for me if he needs to be. I just don't let the relationship revolve around that. It's not a constant thing.

I have fears as relationships go like cheating, drifting apart, or maybe losing interest etc... but those aren't deep it's just normal things you think about if you consider a future with someone.

 

[New Username]

Which direction is your relationship going in?

Was she hurt previously? Was it abusive?

Progressing into a long term thing

Emotional hurt

Ex did some scumbag shyt even though he's a corn

 

[Ms.CuriousCat]

Progressing into a long term thing

Emotional hurt

Ex did some scumbag shyt even though he's a corn

Ah okay.

The worst thing about getting hurt by someone in my experience is not that they hurt you but the feeling that you let them. That you failed as caretaker of yourself. You gave them the power, the status, the material sometimes. You invited them into your space. So I've been madder at myself long after I've forgotten the culprit.

Then it makes it harder to trust the next person and let your guard down again and invite another person into your personal space because if you were so sure last time, what makes this round any different?

It's hard to get serious in a relationship when you feel like your judgement has let you down in the past.

So I would say it's not all about your reassurance. It's also about her confidence in herself to (a) make the call to let you in and (b) to know that even if this relationship doesn't work out she'll survive the fall out, that she'll forgive herself and put herself back together again. She's not a fragile cracked glass that she's holding together. When she starts to feel like she's made of tougher stock that you won't be the end of her and that she can in fact live without you then she can let you in without reservation or ring fencing.


Or maybe it has nothing to do with the above and she just likes to hear compliments from you.


You should talk to her.

 

[Kex]

Being more better with communication has helped in relationships when dealing with insecurities.
I speak up asap instead of carrying things. Soon as I feel something is bringing up a bad part of me i'm like 'babe, XYZ is making me feel a certain way soooo i'm gonna get upset if we don't talk it out'. It's almost annoying to me how much i just want to resolve things immediately now then a few years ago. But that's also credit due to my ex who wasn't really with the bullshyt .

 

[KinksandCoils]

I'm not insecure about anything unless you do something to make me feel that way.

 

[New Username]

I'm not insecure about anything unless you do something to make me feel that way.

What do you mean by that?

 

[KinksandCoils]

If he do some cheating type shyt

What do you mean by that?

 

[Ashley Banks]

Haven't got over them, more than likely never will. I keep them to myself

 

[CinnaSlim]

After each relationship, I look for the lesson. What I enjoyed, what I didn't like, what I learned about myself, how I should've reacted differently.

My mindset is that relationships are lessons so I'm not afraid of getting into another one because each relationship that ends prepares me for the one that I want.

I used to be afraid of relationships ending. I used to let people treat me less than I deserve because I wanted to make things work, that obviously were not working.

I used to have insecurities of being self sacrificing. I realized that I wasn't just being kind and generous. I was being unkind to myself. I wasn't valuing myself and I was allowing people to treat me less than I deserve because growing up I felt like I had to earn love and respect through being the "good one" and the model child.