Can a relationship work if one partner lacks ambition?

[BelieveBeOK]

Like it says on the tin.

My girlfriend (31 years old) is very frustrated in her current job and has been for the longest time. All she does is moan about everyone and everything, never looking for positives or aspects of her situation that she can change/influence and quite frankly I've given up on trying to "coach" a solutions oriented mindset into her because anything that I suggest (including leaving the damn job) just gets shot down with 10 reasons it won't work.

So now I just listen her complain and change subject whenever I spot an opportunity.

Problem is, her constant moaning is a drain on my energy and I'm trying by all means to be somebody that approaches challenges with a can-do attitude as opposed to just throwing my hands in the air and wishing things could be better.

One of my mantra's has always been that it's good to occasionally vent and feel sorry for yourself but you can only do that for one day at a time. By the time you wake up the next morning, you need to move on and start working towards improving the situation.

I'm turning 30 this year and in many ways I feel like this next decade is going to be most crucial in terms determining what my trajectory will be like for the rest of my life.

Does anybody else have similar experiences they can share?

(As a side note: Outside of the above, as a person she is really great and we have a good relationship with minimal to no drama.)

 

[OfTheCross]

Like it says on the tin.

My girlfriend (31 years old) is very frustrated in her current job and has been for the longest time. All she does is moan about everyone and everything, never looking for positives or aspects of her situation that she can change/influence and quite frankly I've given up on trying to "coach" a solutions oriented mindset into her because anything that I suggest (including leaving the damn job) just gets shot down with 10 reasons it won't work.

So now I just listen her complain and change subject whenever I spot an opportunity.

Problem is, her constant moaning is a drain on my energy and I'm trying by all means to be somebody that approaches challenges with a can-do attitude as opposed to just throwing my hands in the air and wishing things could be better.

I'm turning 30 this year and in many ways I feel like this next decade is going to be most crucial in terms determining what my trajectory will be like for the rest of my life.

Does anybody else have similar experiences they can share?

(As a side note: Outside of the above, as a person she is really great and we have a good relationship with minimal to no drama.)

Tell her either stop complaining, do something about it, or y'all might as well break up.

It's too exhausting.

 

[BelieveBeOK]

Tell her either stop complaining, do something about it, or y'all might as well break up.

It's too exhausting.

Trust me, I've told her this a few times but it's hard to get across without sounding like you don't care about her problems.

Admittedly, I've tended to say this in frustration so perhaps my word choice hasn't always been the best.

 

[OfTheCross]

Trust me, I've told her this a few times but it's hard to get across without sounding like you don't care about her problems.

Admittedly, I've tended to say this in frustration so perhaps my word choice hasn't always been the best.

I've literally told her "I don't care" and "sounds like a personal problem" and "good luck with that" and "don't bring negative energy by me"

I don't have the patience for that kinda thing. I'll hear her out of course, but you're passed that point. You've heard her out, offered ideas, and she's unwilling to change her situation even though you are there as a support.

If she was mines she'd have to find another friend to talk to about that kinda shyt. I don't wanna hear it.

 

[Matt504]

Has she always been this way? maybe she's battling depression.

 

[BelieveBeOK]

Has she always been this way? maybe she's battling depression.

Our first big fight was over this and we weren't even officially in a relationship then.

I've changed companies and been promoted twice since then and she is still in the same place talking about the same issues she did three years ago.

My ex-girlfriend had really bad depression and I know this isn't the case with my current. Work/ambition is pretty much the only thing that is an issue with her.

 

[Matt504]

Our first big fight was over this and we weren't even officially in a relationship then.

I've changed companies and been promoted twice since then and she is still in the same place talking about the same issues she did three years ago.

My ex-girlfriend had really bad depression and I know this isn't the case with my current. Work/ambition is pretty much the only thing that is an issue with her.

She makes excuses for why she will fail if she tries something, it seems like her problems are bigger than a lack of ambition. Depression isn't something that's always readily apparent like in the case of your ex, maybe it manifests itself differently in your new partner.

 

[Vodun]

Like it says on the tin.

My girlfriend (31 years old) is very frustrated in her current job and has been for the longest time. All she does is moan about everyone and everything, never looking for positives or aspects of her situation that she can change/influence and quite frankly I've given up on trying to "coach" a solutions oriented mindset into her because anything that I suggest (including leaving the damn job) just gets shot down with 10 reasons it won't work.

So now I just listen her complain and change subject whenever I spot an opportunity.

Problem is, her constant moaning is a drain on my energy and I'm trying by all means to be somebody that approaches challenges with a can-do attitude as opposed to just throwing my hands in the air and wishing things could be better.

One of my mantra's has always been that it's good to occasionally vent and feel sorry for yourself but you can only do that for one day at a time. By the time you wake up the next morning, you need to move on and start working towards improving the situation.

I'm turning 30 this year and in many ways I feel like this next decade is going to be most crucial in terms determining what my trajectory will be like for the rest of my life.

Does anybody else have similar experiences they can share?

(As a side note: Outside of the above, as a person she is really great and we have a good relationship with minimal to no drama.)

Women will complain about everything, they are never satisfied. As a man. Its a unspoken rule when in a relationship with a women we have to listen to her bytch and moan about shyt aka Emotional labor. Women are not problem solvers by nature so don't expect her to find a quick solution to her problem.

My advice is to accept her complaining because if your not doing she will find another nikka that will and she will end up fukking him and losing respect for you. Hey there emotional creatures man totally different then us men

 

[Ya Sinning Mane]

Tell her to stfu

u a man right
What she gon do get mad
O well.

 

[Rawtid]

Stop listening. Tell her if she’s not going to change anything, you don’t want to hear the same complaints day in and day out. It’s not attractive and having a sounding board is ok, but not if you squawking about the same shyt.

 

[DapMeUp!]

Ultimately after a while, if you keep complaining about the same shyt for an extended period of time, you are the problem.

I'm very much from the school of if you aren't willing to do anything about it don't complain about it.
Sounds like she has had ample opportunities to change her situation, but maybe in a twisted way she likes having something to complain about.
Some people just like to be the victim

That type of energy drain is going to do you no good breh.

 

[OfTheCross]

Women will complain about everything, they are never satisfied. As a man. Its a unspoken rule when in a relationship with a women we have to listen to her bytch and moan about shyt aka Emotional labor. Women are not problem solvers by nature so don't expect her to find a quick solution to her problem.

My advice is to accept her complaining because if your not doing she will find another nikka that will and she will end up fukking him and losing respect for you. Hey there emotional creatures man totally different then us men

That's true..if the other person listening to her is a man he gonna hit...

I've recommended my girl get herself a psychologist.

She's got like 4 female cousins that she confides in, though, so she vents with them. But maybe you can recommend your girl see a shrink @DizeeGorilla20

 

[JetFueledThoughts]

My last girlfriend definitely lacked ambition to a degree, she was still a server in our mid-20s when I was trying to advance my career. She hated it and wanted to go back to school, she went for a semester or two but couldn’t finish. The discrepancy in our career trajectory and her ‘acceptance’ of it was a factor in me ending it.

But your issue sounds a little different OP. Maybe not a lack of ambition but maybe she’s scared to make a jump or try to advance to the next job. But either way, I’ll tell ya this man. Listening to your woman bytch about her job and people there is somethin you’ll have to put up with whether she works at McDonald’s or is Kamala Harris

 

[wenndigo]

My last girlfriend definitely lacked ambition to a degree, she was still a server in our mid-20s when I was trying to advance my career. She hated it and wanted to go back to school, she went for a semester or two but couldn’t finish. The discrepancy in our career trajectory and her ‘acceptance’ of it was a factor in me ending it.

But your issue sounds a little different OP. Maybe not a lack of ambition but maybe she’s scared to make a jump or try to advance to the next job. But either way, I’ll tell ya this man. Listening to your woman bytch about her job and people there is somethin you’ll have to put up with whether she works at McDonald’s or is Kamala Harris

That last sentence is too real, breh

 

[DeuceZ]

thread too real i gotta get outta here