Black men...where are we finding community outside of the church and fraternities?

[Reality]

Serious question. And no the Coli isn't a real answer, though it helps.

A lot of us seem to be living lives of isolation...outside of the church and fraternities, there's not a ton of structure for us to meet & network with other black men who are productive members of society.

If you live or move away from where you grew up due to work or pursuing opportunity, it can be a pretty isolating experience. This is probably getting worse due to remote work as well. As someone who's not religious, no longer lives close to childhood friends, and never pledged, essentially 100% of my black friends & associates post-college are through my work network & work-driven affinity groups.

Another thing is...church and fraternity involvement were great screening functions filtering out people who were either morally/ethically lost, or weren't interested in community. I myself look back at not joining a black frat as the worst thing I've done for my overall wellbeing as a black man in America. I was young and on my individualistic shyt in college, and never had family to frame the benefits of fraternities for me.

So...where are we finding the community these days? What's working for yall to stay connected?

 

[ViShawn]

I've been trying to build a group of my friends and acquaintances to make a group. During the pandemic some of the Black people in my area had FB groups so it was a good way to build friendships with some other Black guys. I've had dinner with them, worked out with them, and some of them have helped me with career advice.

This is a REALLY good question because I want to know how to facilitate it.

Some places that are deemed as a "safe space" for us are not and can sometimes be co-opted by other groups too.

 

[ViShawn]

Basically it was for 100 Black Men to come together, network, and talk about the main topic which was "Tough Love".

The event was supposed to start at 2. I roll there around 2:30 and I thought brunch would be popping off and prepared, but it wasn't ready until 2:45.

The guest speaker wanted us to talk about Tough Love and what it meant. In the middle of it a woman came and the speaker came and said "Stand up men! We got a queen here and she ain't got a man!" or something to that effect.

The rules also included no misogny or homophobia. I understand and agree with both but there are many spaces now where ones opinion, especially a Black man's can be misconstrued as bigoted so I thought that was some bullshyt there.

In his beginning topics he used the term "cis hetero straight men" more than once, to which I'm argue I'm not cis ANYTHING but I think he was being sensitive to some of the gay Black men there.

Those two combined made me think it was on some bullshyt.

We finally got food and did brief networking. Some Black men in the community were doing some good things trying to get young Black children transportation to school, fighting food insecurity, getting more Black people in tech. All good!

The conversation went back to the topic of tough love.

One thing that annoyed me was that the speaker was using tropes of men saying we don't talk about feelings. The speaker even said he just talked about feelings two weeks ago with his therapist and is "just learning about it"...so why are you speaking on it?!

Some people said tough love was out of necessity which I agree. I was waiting for someone to say that tough love was toxic but thankfully no one did.

The brunch speaker also gave me the impression that he just liked to hear himself talk. He is an activist in the community so I feel that he thinks he can speak on things.

Wish there was more networking and building instead of being lectured to. We didn't need a theme for us to come together. One breh said that he went to one last year and people talk talked but they aren't here today.

@hood b. goode invited me to it and I think we could do a better one that serves our community better

This is what happened when I tried to go to a "safe space" for Black men. Never again

 

[Fill Collins]

Closest thing for me outside of work would be this Slack group I was in for this marketing class funded by a Black tech group, which isn't really a good substitute for real networking.

There's an AME church and a smaller "African Orthodox Church" near me, I rag on religion a lot, but it would not hurt to network with older Black folk outside of work

 

[BornStar]

Hate to be that guy but there are a lot of egos, jealousy and envy out there. Once someone sees you doing better they withhold information. Or they withhold information to get the upper hand then shyt on you because of their upbringing. Some people will lend a hand just to see what you got. I would say family but they hurt you the most just because you came out the same vagina doesn't mean shyt.

A lot of people get rich and don't want to tell you how so they can stun on you.. they really don't want competition especially you.

Fake motivation be out here. They motivating by stunt on you "I'm doing this to motivate but the never give you solid instructions to get it like they did. If they do its too late or outdated."


Our "culture" adds fuel to the fire.


You are better off meeting people who are into self development and can humble themselves. Where idk breh.

 

[UpAndComing]

I'm currently looking into

- Small Business Associations
- Conventions
- Seminars


Alot of connections to be made there

 

[ViShawn]

Hate to be that guy but there are a lot of egos, jealousy and envy out there. Once someone sees you doing better they withhold information. People will lend a hand just to see what you got. I would say family but they hurt you the most just because you came out the same vagina doesn't mean shyt.

A lot of people get rich and don't want to tell you how so they can stun on you.. they really don't want competition especially you.

Fake motivation be out here. They motivating by stunt on you "I'm doing this to motivate but the never give you solid instructions to get it like they did. If they do its too late or outdated."

You are better off meeting people who are into self development and can humble themselves. Where idk breh.

I like the idea of a Mastermind Group.

Also you're right - certain things like career and income I can only speak to maybe 3 - 4 friends of mine but that's because they make the same amount or more than me.

 

[The Gentleman]

Serious question. And no the Coli isn't a real answer, though it helps.

A lot of us seem to be living lives of isolation...outside of the church and fraternities, there's not a ton of structure for us to meet & network with other black men who are productive members of society.

If you live or move away from where you grew up due to work or pursuing opportunity, it can be a pretty isolating experience. This is probably getting worse due to remote work as well. As someone who's not religious, no longer lives close to childhood friends, and never pledged, essentially 100% of my black friends & associates post-college are through my work network & work-driven affinity groups.

Another thing is...church and fraternity involvement were great screening functions filtering out people who were either morally/ethically lost, or weren't interested in community. I myself look back at not joining a black frat as the worst thing I've done for my overall wellbeing as a black man in America. I was young and on my individualistic shyt in college, and never had family to frame the benefits of fraternities for me.

So...where are we finding the community these days? What's working for yall to stay connected?

Birds of a feather flock together. All you have to do is look at your habits and the places that you hang out. Those will provide you with the answers.

 

[Dafunkdoc_Unlimited]

We aren't.

Too busy being mad at one another over shyt that doesn't matter.

That's why we call each other 'nikka' instead of 'brother'.​

 

[Joe Budden]

We aren't.

Too busy being mad at one another over shyt that doesn't matter.

That's why we call each other 'nikka' instead of 'brother'.​

Nikka please.

 

[AyBrehHam Linkin]

the coli

 

[RareHunter]

We have to turn back to The Most High and repent, turn away from our sins, and seperate ourselves from these other ppl. The black community as a secular entity is on it’s very last legs. Not to mention what’s about to befall the nations. It’ll probably be glaringly noticeable by August. I hope not tho.

 

[DapMeUp!]

Don't care to tbh

If I do it's natural like from similar hobbies etc but I'm not seeking it.

 

[Thegospel]

Fraternities aren't a community

 

[aSniperJones]

Find your passion/hobby and ask Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) questions you need answered. Those SMEs will become your friends, associates, and/or network.

…eventually you’ll likely start a business with your passion/hobby, then your community will grow exponentially; business connections will become friends or associates.