Brolic
High Value Poster
I'm seeking advice on a critical situation with my wife of 6 years (together for 9). Our relationship has become increasingly strained, and I'm at a loss for how to proceed. Here are the main issues:
- Intimacy: Our marriage has been almost completely sexless for the last 5 years. This lack of physical intimacy has taken a significant toll on our relationship and my self-esteem.
- Children: Before marriage, I expressed my desire for children. Now, approaching 40, I'm concerned about potential birth defects, much less my lower back which has been crushed to powder, but my wife continually makes excuses to avoid having kids.
- Financial imbalance: I'm the sole breadwinner, and my wife hasn't worked in over 6 years. Our agreement for her to become a stay-at-home wife was specifically to raise children. However, we have no children together, and my stepdaughter is now a teenager who requires zero parental assistance. Despite this, my wife continues to not work or contribute financially to our household. I'm growing increasingly resentful of supporting someone who isn't fulfilling her end of our agreement.
- Family relations: My wife despises my family despite their warmth and generosity towards her and her daughter from a previous relationship. They include us in vacations and give gifts for every occasion.
- Holiday stress: Every holiday becomes miserable because of my wife's complaints about spending time with my family. She insists on leaving after just two hours.
- Double standards: While reluctant to spend time with my family, my wife frequently invites her unemployed friends and family to our home for extended stays (24+ hours). This involves me cleaning, cooking, providing drinks, transportation, and lodging.
- Communication breakdown: Every time I try to express my feelings or concerns about any of these issues, it results in a huge fight. Somehow, everything ends up being portrayed as my fault, regardless of the topic or how I approach it.
- Future family concerns: I'm worried that if we do have children, my wife's animosity towards my family will cause even more problems. My family would naturally want to be part of our children's lives, but given my wife's current attitude, I fear this would lead to constant conflict and stress.
- Financial fears: I'm becoming increasingly anxious about the possibility of divorce. Given that I've been the sole provider for years, I'm terrified of potentially having to pay alimony to someone who has essentially been living off my hard work without contributing financially or intimately to our marriage, or fulfilling our agreement about raising children.
