I should clarify - one there is near end of life and the emotional fallout that comes with it.
My elderly grandmother is 85 and she almost died due to a UTI a few weeks ago. She's back to her full self but unfortunately some issues that occurred prior to her being in the hospital have returned.
She is belligerent towards my aunt who is the primary caretaker of her. She does the same behavior towards my mother who comes on the weekend.
I'm visiting them and decided to take them out to church and brunch. Towards the end of the evening she lashed out my aunt and mother. The insult extended to her talking about my sister and her choice of partner, bringing up stuff from decades ago, etc.
My grandmother is also EXTREMELY jealous and needy. She will tell my mother to stop having a relationship with my stepfathers side because he's been dead for 7 years and get upset if my mother spends time with them. This weekend I had to cover for my mom not coming over to see my grandma and aunt Saturday so we could have a birthday dinner with my aunt on that side. MIND YOU we spent most of Thurs and Friday with them and we all planned to do church/brunch Sunday.
This is obviously causing a huge emotional and mental strain on everyone.
My uncle tends to be removed and disconnected from it. When he comes in town he does the bare minimum face time. Being that there aren't many adult men in the family it tends to fall on me to help out when I visit. This puts a strain on me also.
My aunt is retired but my mother still works and thankfully she works remotely but they will denigrate her and say she isn't working etc because neither my aunt or grandma have worked in tech so they don't know.
I've suggested that we get someone to come in and caretaker my grandmother for 10 - 12 hours a week. My aunt tends to give huge resistance on this in spite of what's occurring. Many of us have offered money for it and you would think after my grandma's near death experience that they would. Really it comes down to egos involved. My aunt says she doesn't trust anyone in their house so they will suggest getting my younger cousin in his 30s to come down to help and pay him. But he has a kid and he's not a medical professional and needs to get his life straight.
I'm just frustrated because I know when I leave the problem will still be there. I'm also angry that my grandmother has been acting like this. She doesn't have dementia so I don't know what the hell to do.
Not sure if anyone has navigated similar but please I'm open to advice.
My elderly grandmother is 85 and she almost died due to a UTI a few weeks ago. She's back to her full self but unfortunately some issues that occurred prior to her being in the hospital have returned.
She is belligerent towards my aunt who is the primary caretaker of her. She does the same behavior towards my mother who comes on the weekend.
I'm visiting them and decided to take them out to church and brunch. Towards the end of the evening she lashed out my aunt and mother. The insult extended to her talking about my sister and her choice of partner, bringing up stuff from decades ago, etc.
My grandmother is also EXTREMELY jealous and needy. She will tell my mother to stop having a relationship with my stepfathers side because he's been dead for 7 years and get upset if my mother spends time with them. This weekend I had to cover for my mom not coming over to see my grandma and aunt Saturday so we could have a birthday dinner with my aunt on that side. MIND YOU we spent most of Thurs and Friday with them and we all planned to do church/brunch Sunday.
This is obviously causing a huge emotional and mental strain on everyone.
My uncle tends to be removed and disconnected from it. When he comes in town he does the bare minimum face time. Being that there aren't many adult men in the family it tends to fall on me to help out when I visit. This puts a strain on me also.
My aunt is retired but my mother still works and thankfully she works remotely but they will denigrate her and say she isn't working etc because neither my aunt or grandma have worked in tech so they don't know.
I've suggested that we get someone to come in and caretaker my grandmother for 10 - 12 hours a week. My aunt tends to give huge resistance on this in spite of what's occurring. Many of us have offered money for it and you would think after my grandma's near death experience that they would. Really it comes down to egos involved. My aunt says she doesn't trust anyone in their house so they will suggest getting my younger cousin in his 30s to come down to help and pay him. But he has a kid and he's not a medical professional and needs to get his life straight.
I'm just frustrated because I know when I leave the problem will still be there. I'm also angry that my grandmother has been acting like this. She doesn't have dementia so I don't know what the hell to do.
Not sure if anyone has navigated similar but please I'm open to advice.
