The Emperor
Paid Agent
Alright, been meaning to write this out for a while...
But here goes, now I realize this is The Coli and guys are going to come in here with the jokes and clowning but it's a few jewels in this story for those who read it with an open mind...
Alright this story starts back when I headed into the 6th grade, one day this beautiful young girl is brought over to my house with one of my moms friends, she was a chocolate girl with a pretty face and long pretty hair...
That was the first time I saw her...
Fast forward almost 2 years and I'm in the 7th grade, and I see this tall chocolate girl with these BIG ASS GROWN WOMAN TITTIES, I don't even know she's the same girl... So we end up talking and we end up going together in middle school, I mention to my mom that I've got a girlfriend her name and my mom tells me that this girl is my cousin. And I'm like how? And my mom just basically says "On her daddy's side, y'all are kin"...
So I go to school and tell her I found out we cousins so we gotta stop messing around...
Fast forward 17 years...
This young woman is still fine as hell, she's got 2 kids by deadbeats, big ole huge titties, and a flat stomach, she's living in the projects, she hangs with some of the most ghetto people you'd ever want to see and she's living a cycle of unemployment or working a minimum wage job, but MOST IMPORTANTLY SHE STILL FINE!
And I start wondering JUST HOW RELATED ARE WE???
So I break out a pen and paper one day and start tracing this southern family tree, with the help of my mom I figure out that this girl is my 4th cousin and that's when I make the decision of fukk IT, I want to bang AT LEAST ONCE or else I'm gonna feel like a sucker for missing out on this over some trivial shyt like 4th cousins.
It's a controversial decision but aye, let me put it to you like this...
If you found out Deelishis or some other instagram model was a super distant cousin and you could hit it would it STOP YOU?
So anyway I just talk to the girl one day and I say "Hey I know we supposed to be cousins but I've always liked you and we've always had crazy chemistry, so I think we should do something ONE TIME just to see what's up..."
So I basically start reeling her in by doing little shyt for her...
She needs some cigarettes I GOT IT...
She needs a Moutain Dew I GOT IT...
The kids need something to eat I GOT IT...
I play this game for about a month and it seems like this plan ain't gonna work...
And I just throw a hail mary pass one day and say "I'm trying to do something how much you want..."
I don't remember what her first reply was but we ended up on $150, at this point I feel like for EGO's sake I already accomplished my goal I know that I can bang, and I actually tell myself I don't really have to go thru with it because I got a YES and for EGO's sake that's all I really needed...
So I stopped coming around for a few weeks, and one morning I get a crazy Facebook message from her she's clearly high and emotional talking about how she been going thru a lot and how she's broke...
The worst part of me takes over at this point and I'm like "nows the time to strike"...
I tell her I got $100 on me right now and let's go ahead and do that thing...
She damn near starts crying as she tells me I'm fukking her over and how did we go from $150 to $100, but she need it so she's like "Cmon, I'm over my homegirl house,..." (I think the lights were off at her place)
So I come over as soon as I get off work, I put the money on a dresser or something, and we have about the best sex I've ever head in MY LIFE....
This girl is MAD WET, MAD TIGHT, and FLEXIBLE, legs opened SUPER WIDE...
I bang it out like I'm a teenager again...
And afterwards we kinda looking at each other like "Dang where do we go from here?"
She's acting all girly and I can tell she's feeling me in a new way...
AT THIS POINT I MAKE A VOW TO MYSELF I WILL NEVER BANG THIS GIRL AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS TOO GOOD AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A HABIT OF THIS BECAUSE HER KIDS EVEN FEEL THAT WE ARE RELATED BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I'M FAMILY.
Now at this point I'm really confused because I'm trying to analyze this girl and her current life situation.
She's got a kid by a straight up dead beat, she's got a kid by a straight up bum and she's living in the projects 100% comfortable around crack heads and the ultimate ghetto lifestyle. SHE'S FINE AS fukk and most importantly of all she's got some GOOD BOX...
And I start wondering "Why can't she do better for herself?"
But then the USUAL shyt HAPPENS when you hook up with a woman that you really weren't meant to hook up with she goes DISTANT, for like 2 weeks she won't return my calls or texts.
I've dealt with a lot of women in my life so I know this is some shyt women do when they regret fukking someone or they feel like a hoe, so I just charge it the game and move on...
A few months go by and we don't communicate at all...
Then one day I hit her up and I'm like hey let's do that thing again...
This time she's like "I want my $150!"
And I'm like
cool...
Then she's says "NEXT WEEK let's do it, can you bring me $20 today I'm broke, and I've already got evicted from my apartments and about to move back in with my moms"
And that's when I'm like
I tell her I'm busy...
I call her the next week to make concrete plans for the other thing and she's like "Come see me Friday, but I'm broke right now, can you bring me $20?
I tell her ok, but I HONESTLY FORGET to swing by there and by the time I remember I'm in bed, and I'm like hey I'm about to go to sleep but tomorrow I got you...
And then she goes OFF!
She tells me
"I'm no type of friend because I can ask all day for some p*ssy but when she need $20 all I do is lie and make excuses, and to not worry about her because her mama got her back, and none of the nikkas she deal with are tripping over $20, and to not send her another message because she won't even bother reading it"
It's like she put all of her failures in life ON ME and my failure to bring her $20
That's when I realized the BIG PICTURE this was apart of her MAJOR FLAW
This was why she was one of the baddest chicks in the city but couldn't keep a dude
This is why she was comfortable hanging around ghetto people, this is why she had
kids by the guys she had kids by. She was just a person who was comfortable making
terrible decisions, and even more comfortable not accepting responsibility for them.
Now we ain't even cool...
She hates me and all over $20
But to me it was worth it because I had to see what it was like
But here goes, now I realize this is The Coli and guys are going to come in here with the jokes and clowning but it's a few jewels in this story for those who read it with an open mind...
Alright this story starts back when I headed into the 6th grade, one day this beautiful young girl is brought over to my house with one of my moms friends, she was a chocolate girl with a pretty face and long pretty hair...
That was the first time I saw her...
Fast forward almost 2 years and I'm in the 7th grade, and I see this tall chocolate girl with these BIG ASS GROWN WOMAN TITTIES, I don't even know she's the same girl... So we end up talking and we end up going together in middle school, I mention to my mom that I've got a girlfriend her name and my mom tells me that this girl is my cousin. And I'm like how? And my mom just basically says "On her daddy's side, y'all are kin"...
So I go to school and tell her I found out we cousins so we gotta stop messing around...
Fast forward 17 years...
This young woman is still fine as hell, she's got 2 kids by deadbeats, big ole huge titties, and a flat stomach, she's living in the projects, she hangs with some of the most ghetto people you'd ever want to see and she's living a cycle of unemployment or working a minimum wage job, but MOST IMPORTANTLY SHE STILL FINE!
And I start wondering JUST HOW RELATED ARE WE???
So I break out a pen and paper one day and start tracing this southern family tree, with the help of my mom I figure out that this girl is my 4th cousin and that's when I make the decision of fukk IT, I want to bang AT LEAST ONCE or else I'm gonna feel like a sucker for missing out on this over some trivial shyt like 4th cousins.
It's a controversial decision but aye, let me put it to you like this...
If you found out Deelishis or some other instagram model was a super distant cousin and you could hit it would it STOP YOU?
So anyway I just talk to the girl one day and I say "Hey I know we supposed to be cousins but I've always liked you and we've always had crazy chemistry, so I think we should do something ONE TIME just to see what's up..."
So I basically start reeling her in by doing little shyt for her...
She needs some cigarettes I GOT IT...
She needs a Moutain Dew I GOT IT...
The kids need something to eat I GOT IT...
I play this game for about a month and it seems like this plan ain't gonna work...
And I just throw a hail mary pass one day and say "I'm trying to do something how much you want..."
I don't remember what her first reply was but we ended up on $150, at this point I feel like for EGO's sake I already accomplished my goal I know that I can bang, and I actually tell myself I don't really have to go thru with it because I got a YES and for EGO's sake that's all I really needed...
So I stopped coming around for a few weeks, and one morning I get a crazy Facebook message from her she's clearly high and emotional talking about how she been going thru a lot and how she's broke...
The worst part of me takes over at this point and I'm like "nows the time to strike"...
I tell her I got $100 on me right now and let's go ahead and do that thing...
She damn near starts crying as she tells me I'm fukking her over and how did we go from $150 to $100, but she need it so she's like "Cmon, I'm over my homegirl house,..." (I think the lights were off at her place)
So I come over as soon as I get off work, I put the money on a dresser or something, and we have about the best sex I've ever head in MY LIFE....
This girl is MAD WET, MAD TIGHT, and FLEXIBLE, legs opened SUPER WIDE...
I bang it out like I'm a teenager again...
And afterwards we kinda looking at each other like "Dang where do we go from here?"
She's acting all girly and I can tell she's feeling me in a new way...
AT THIS POINT I MAKE A VOW TO MYSELF I WILL NEVER BANG THIS GIRL AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS TOO GOOD AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A HABIT OF THIS BECAUSE HER KIDS EVEN FEEL THAT WE ARE RELATED BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I'M FAMILY.
Now at this point I'm really confused because I'm trying to analyze this girl and her current life situation.
She's got a kid by a straight up dead beat, she's got a kid by a straight up bum and she's living in the projects 100% comfortable around crack heads and the ultimate ghetto lifestyle. SHE'S FINE AS fukk and most importantly of all she's got some GOOD BOX...
And I start wondering "Why can't she do better for herself?"
But then the USUAL shyt HAPPENS when you hook up with a woman that you really weren't meant to hook up with she goes DISTANT, for like 2 weeks she won't return my calls or texts.
I've dealt with a lot of women in my life so I know this is some shyt women do when they regret fukking someone or they feel like a hoe, so I just charge it the game and move on...
A few months go by and we don't communicate at all...
Then one day I hit her up and I'm like hey let's do that thing again...
This time she's like "I want my $150!"
And I'm like
cool...Then she's says "NEXT WEEK let's do it, can you bring me $20 today I'm broke, and I've already got evicted from my apartments and about to move back in with my moms"
And that's when I'm like
I tell her I'm busy...
I call her the next week to make concrete plans for the other thing and she's like "Come see me Friday, but I'm broke right now, can you bring me $20?
I tell her ok, but I HONESTLY FORGET to swing by there and by the time I remember I'm in bed, and I'm like hey I'm about to go to sleep but tomorrow I got you...
And then she goes OFF!
She tells me
"I'm no type of friend because I can ask all day for some p*ssy but when she need $20 all I do is lie and make excuses, and to not worry about her because her mama got her back, and none of the nikkas she deal with are tripping over $20, and to not send her another message because she won't even bother reading it"
It's like she put all of her failures in life ON ME and my failure to bring her $20
That's when I realized the BIG PICTURE this was apart of her MAJOR FLAW
This was why she was one of the baddest chicks in the city but couldn't keep a dude
This is why she was comfortable hanging around ghetto people, this is why she had
kids by the guys she had kids by. She was just a person who was comfortable making
terrible decisions, and even more comfortable not accepting responsibility for them.
Now we ain't even cool...
She hates me and all over $20
But to me it was worth it because I had to see what it was like
