Am I the Only One Who Wants Children Just To Make Their Parents Happy?

[ThrobbingHood]

Side note: this is my first thread making since the upgrade and I HATE the “has this topic been discussed before” options. It fukking slows me down, and nikkas will still post duplicate posts even if they see the same topic. Is there a way to turn off this useless feature?

So I’m in my early 30s, my other half just turned 30. The discussion of children has come up before. I said I’m still on the fence but I have no desire to do so right now. Understandably, she’s leaning more towards having children at her age.

As it stands, I’d rather have my first child closer to my late 30s as I’m enjoying life too much being child free right now. The only thing that’s pushing me to have children now are my parents.

They’re still in good health but you never know what might happen and I’d regret it if they never met their grandchildren.

They’ve never pressured me and they’ve been remarkably laid back on the issue, but I’d feel guilty if it was my procrastination that prevented them from seeing them.

In family, I’m the most likely to have children first as my other siblings… in the most polite way possible, aren’t going to start families any time soon. So I’ve foolishly felt the pressure is all on me.

is anyone else in a similar situation?

 

[Gloxina]

I definitely felt bad that my grandmother passed before I started a family because I adored her and wanted to give her another great-grandchild, but my older cousins had already given her 3-4 at that point so she had already had the experience. After she passed…Eh. Even though I’m an only child, I’m not in a rush to give my parents a grandchild. That probably says more about my relationship with them but… ‍Lol

You can’t make life-altering decisions to please others. Not when it comes to creating life. YOU and your SPOUSE will be responsible for the care and well-being of that new life. Grandparents get to love, dote on the grandkids, and send them back! Lol
Unless they are retired and young enough to take them off your hands (which is the case with some of the elders in my family), think long and hard about what works for you and yours. That decision is up to you and your wife.

 

[Doobie Doo]

I learned if you are functional adult your parents don't give a fukk about you. They need non functional humans to look after. And no job promotion or accomplishments will replace those nut trophies they are expecting

 

[Fletch]

I used to think that way, felt guilt for not wanting kids. One day I asked my mom about it and she told me she didn’t care she had my sister, guilt gone.

 

[Fill Collins]

I personally think that's a terrible reason to have children but @Gloxina articulated it better than I ever could've

I have more cousins than I can count (), I've seen family members change up their whole lives, put plans on hold, all justifiably of course, like that because they have to put their child first.

OP, are you ready to sleep less, stay in the house more, depend on random family members at time and overhaul your whole schedule just to please your parents?

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Yeah it's all hopes and dreams till that 1st child support payment gets subtracted

 

[Neil Tyson]

Yep, that's when I realized I don't need to have kids. I'll leave that to the bros. I'll be the Uncle.

 

[DapMeUp!]

My mom already told her friend she doesn't want more grandkids

I was sitting there thinking it's not really your choice to make mom

 

[dr. pill biden]

you feel guilty bc you are guilty

this don’t have nothing to do with moms. you’re being selfish and you know it bc like you said you just want to live care free. only you can say whether being selfish is okay with your conscience or not

don’t put that pain of waiting on your wife though. she already 30 and you want her to wait years and years before you knock her up just bc you wanna live like you’re still 18? eggs finna be sawdust by then

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

Having children for your parents is not the business my guy
I didn’t have my daughter for my mother
I had her because I was ready and my wife was ready
Thing about child rearing is that the people who put the most pressure on you to have them
Don’t even like their own kids
Were raised by horrible parent’s themselves
So the grandparents want to make amends for their past sins with their grand kids
Not saying your parents are like this but it’s a lot out here with this mentality
Having a child is a whole lot of responsibility and I’m not just talking financial
Having a kid is hard especially if you still working through your own demons
As an older person, you know life is hard
Filled with disappointments, failures and angst
Sure there are good points on being an adult but let’s be reality
This shyt is hard as fukk and for the birds
Now take all the things you been through and try your damndest not to corrupt your child
That’s parenting in a nutshell
Trying to not fukk another persons life up because of life’s jaded toll they haven’t come to experience yet
But kids of this generation are smart as fukk so all those conversations your own parents had with you are different now
You can’t bullshyt these kids like our parents did
I say all that to say
Have a child when you are ready
Now I’m a strong proponent of having children around 30/31 if you have a child later
I just think it’s selfish
So you are in the sweet spot
Again, having children ain’t for everybody and is the most challenging shyt in the world
But watching them come into their own and the drive it gives you as a man to make sure they have everything and never want
No better feeling

 

[MollyGalaga]

I would've rather them have been able to see their great grandma, in all honesty
I stopped listening to my parents when it comes to children in 2019.
My moms want me to have kids but balks at the suggestion of having to be grandparents in the capacity her mama was. She'd come around, but she's so obsessed with her own youth I'd rather wait until that age really kicks in.
My dad being anywhere near my children when I'm not around is a NON STARTER.

I'll have em whenever I feel ready. Could be 3 years from now, could be 4, could be never. Im not a doomer but I'm not keen on bringing another life force into a dying world, I'd have to see different.
My legacy won't be defined by my children, I have that luxury.

 

[Fletch]

you feel guilty bc you are guilty

this don’t have nothing to do with moms. you’re being selfish and you know it bc like you said you just want to live care free. only you can say whether being selfish is okay with your conscience or not

don’t put that pain of waiting on your wife though. she already 30 and you want her to wait years and years before you knock her up just bc you wanna live like you’re still 18? eggs finna be sawdust by then

Not wanting to have kids and live on your own terms isn’t selfish, that’s some extremely antiquated thinking.

 

[SheWantTheD]

My sister already gave my parents grandchildren and my grandparents ain’t really tryna watch them either.

Pops doesn’t watch them, my mom does and you can tell it annoys her even tho she’s basically retired not doing shyt all day

So no, I don’t feel pressured to have children like that. I want children of my own volition, not going to get a woman pregnant cause my parents want it. They aren’t gonna be the ones raising them kids

 

[humminbird]

not a good reason to have children
I already told my parents don't expect any from me. why should I have to have children because they want a grandchild
I'm saved though my brother has kids

 

[Elle Seven]

I'll say this - children are people...real life people. They aren't accessories or accomplishments. They are people you will have a connection to and a certain level of responsibility to for the rest of YOUR life and you will owe it to them because you brought them in existence.

So being swayed to create a whole human being and enduring all that entails because of someone else can be problematic.

I'm saying this as a mother of two and I have had to say this or something like it repeatedly to my own mother, who wanted grandkids for years. Got married at 23 but didn't have the first child until 31. When the kids came, though, it didn't go the way she thought it would

My own granny died 6 weeks prior to becoming a great-grandmother, so just know you can hope they will meet your kids and they still don't. Life is funny that way. Once those children come, though, your entire life changes so definitely enjoy your time without children now.