Mastamimd
Ain't shyt
everything I ate. He berated me and yelled at me, telling me that I was a joke, that all the people that came to our shows were only interested in his instrumentals and that I was ruining the band. He broke glass shower doors to frighten me, he locked me into rooms. He told me that my feminism made me a target for rapists and only he could protect me. He forced me to have sex with him or, he said, I wouldn’t be allowed to be in the band anymore.
I was miserable and my lyrics indirectly spoke to the pain and oppression that I was enduring. But as is sometimes the case in abusive relationships, his cruelty was often followed by kindness. He was very good at keeping his terrible treatment of me private. He was charming sometimes, he was hyper protective and most of all I loved the band we had together. But he often told me how replaceable I was. He’d even tell me that he was actively looking for someone to replace me. He kept me insecure and on edge, and then would tell me that he was the only one it the world that believed in me. He told me it was us against everyone, because everyone else thought I was a loser, a joke, a talentless dancing clown. I believed him. I was suicidal for years.
Leaving Crystal Castles was the single most difficult decision I’ve ever made—that band was everything to me. My music, my performances and my fans were all I had in the world. I gave that up and started over not because I wanted to but because I had to. As difficult as it was, I knew that leaving was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It has taken me years to recover from enduring almost a decade of abuse, manipulation and psychological control. I am still recovering.
dude was hanging around high schoolers at 25