A Ukrainian hunting Russians in Kyiv worries that killing Russians is corroding his soul

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Coulda put it in the Ukraine war thread but I felt it was worth a separate treatment due to the length of the story and the questions it brings up regarding the impact of war even on the "victors".


“I see their faces”: a saboteur hunter in Kyiv remembers his victims


On the first day of the war, Sasha woke up to the sound of bombing at 4am. It was roughly “the same time that Hitler began his invasion” of the Soviet Union in 1941, he told me. From the direction of the explosions, Sasha (not his real name) reckoned that the Russians might be attacking the airport at Hostomel, several kilometres from his apartment in central Kyiv. He drove his wife and two sons out of the city. They went with his brother-in-law’s family to the border, where they crossed into Poland. Sasha was a reservist, having spent a year in the Ukrainian army on national service in 2007-08. Once his family was safe, he returned to Kyiv to fight. “If I did not”, he said, “I could not look my sons in the eye.”

We met through a friend of a friend in an apartment in Lviv in western Ukraine. Sasha had arrived on the overnight train from Kyiv to collect a car for his unit. It was a calm, sunny day, which felt strange, said Sasha, after the constant shelling in Kyiv. He shuffled a tablet out of a pack of anti-inflammatories: “I have had a terrible headache, especially since yesterday. There was a lot of shooting.”

When he joined the Ukrainian army after Russia invaded, Sasha was issued with a set of camouflage fatigues, a Kalashnikov with a wooden stock (“It’s not very accurate,” he said with a wry half-grin, “but it’s very powerful”), and webbing containing two clips of ammunition, ear plugs, plastic protective glasses, a black balaclava, a flick knife and a medical pack with pressure bandages, painkillers, clotting agents, antiseptic, syringes and a tourniquet. He was also given an armoured vest with steel plates at the front and back. I asked him if steel was better than ceramic. Sasha shook his head and showed me a photo on his phone of a similar vest with a bullet hole.

Sasha’s unit of 12 men is made up of a mix of regular soldiers, reservists and two Ukrainian former members of the French Foreign Legion. He had known some of these men before the war; a couple were friends. “But we all now trust each other with our lives,” he told me. “I am sure of them 100%.” Each one has his own specialism: Sasha is the sniper. They look like any ordinary Ukrainian unit, perhaps one assigned to guard supply routes. “But no one knows what we really do.” “What do you do?” I asked. “We kill the bad guys,” he replied.

Sasha sounded both proud and regretful. To me, it seemed that he needed to say out loud what he did to truly believe it. His life had turned from peace to war so recently, so fast and so thoroughly that he had no time to catch his breath. He is in his late 30s, a father who in peacetime worked as a manager in a construction company. His hair was cropped close in a military style, but his blue eyes were large and boyish, simultaneously sad, sure and scared. From time to time a muscle flexed in his cheek and he bit the inside of his lip. He was one of those people who, in ordinary life, would probably have a smile ready for everyone and any situation.

It was obvious that he was under stress, and could already see that the war was changing him. He sat straight in his chair, his hands cupped around a vape in his lap. “I didn’t smoke before the war,” he said, “I only started two weeks ago.” “Does it help?” I asked him. “No.”

Sasha explained that his unit was responsible for finding and intercepting Russian saboteurs who try to infiltrate Ukrainian lines. These groups, he said, might lay mines or booby traps, mark targets for Russian artillery, place hidden cameras and other kinds of signalling devices, or attack Ukrainian checkpoints to clear a path for advancing troops. (1843 magazine has confirmed that Sasha is a member of this unit. Of necessity, we have relied on his testimony alone for details of its activities.)

The nightly curfew in Kyiv is partly designed to make it easier to identify suspicious activity, though inevitably a few ordinary Ukrainians drive about after dark. “Of course we can’t shoot at every car. We have to stop them, check their documents, listen to their explanation. If it’s a medical emergency we might follow them to the hospital.”

Approaching cars is dangerous. At night it’s impossible to see if someone is hidden on a back seat, or if the occupants are carrying guns, until you’re almost at point-blank range. The saboteur hunters deem a car suspicious if it’s driving too slowly, zigzagging, has more than three occupants or if the driver flashes his lights to blind Ukrainian patrols. When his unit stops a car, the men shout for everyone to put their hands up and get out. As well as checking documents, they inspect the boot and bonnet, and peer inside the footwells.

It’s tense work. “Saboteurs are dressed in ordinary clothes”, said Sasha “and it’s hard to tell who is a civilian and who is a saboteur…We speak Russian and they speak Russian. It would be easier if the Taliban had invaded.” Russian soldiers have also been known to wear Ukrainian army and police uniforms. Recently Sasha’s unit received a warning that some saboteurs were female. To counter such threats, there is a password for military and police that changes every day: “Usually something in Ukrainian that is difficult for Russians to pronounce.”

Satellite images allow Ukraine’s armed forces to see enemy movements in real time. “We see everything. We know where they are and where they are headed,” said Sasha. His unit usually gets word about the whereabouts of a Russian group and is sent to intercept it. Sometimes they set an ambush. They secure firing positions, scout exit routes, send up a drone with night-vision cameras and then wait, sometimes for two or three hours.

The unit has not yet suffered any casualties. “We work very fast and we are very precise,” said Sasha. The closest he came to being killed was in his first operation. It was dark and when he scanned an area through his night-vision goggles he saw a sniper, just at the edge of a field. Everyone ducked for cover behind a car, as a single shot rang out. The sniper turned out to belong to another Ukrainian unit taking out their target.

One night Sasha’s unit received information about a group of saboteurs in a car. They knew the licence plate, the make and colour, but didn’t know how many people were in it. They stopped a vehicle on a deserted road between two villages. Inside were three men in their late 20s or early 30s. One member of the unit approached and saw a gun. “He shouted ‘Contact!’ We opened fire and killed them.” They knew they’d found the right target because all the men had guns and telephones with Russian phone numbers. The police and Ukrainian military intelligence turned up to take the bodies away.
 

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The operation affected him deeply. “It is impossible for me to return to my normal state of mental health,” said Sasha. “I had never killed people before.” Sasha has not told his mother that he is serving in the army; she thinks he’s still sheltering at home. “I don’t want to worry her. I want her to be able to sleep at night.” He talks to his wife every day, though she doesn’t know exactly what he does either. “She tells me to take care of myself and I say, of course.” He offered a small laugh at this absurdity, then sighed, long and heavily.

I asked him if he was frightened. “Every time”, he said. “You begin to get scared when you hear everyone sliding the bolts of their guns.” He took up his Kalashnikov and demonstrated the action. It made a hard, metallic, fatal sound. “Then the adrenaline kicks in and you don’t feel anything.” Sasha was more worried for his family’s safety than his own. “For me personally, I am not afraid to die – everyone has their fate…” He screwed his knuckles into his eye sockets. “I see their faces”, he said, talking about the Russians he had killed in the car. “I have these people’s faces in front of me all the time.”

In Kyiv, Sasha stays with a friend from his unit, whose wife cooks for them. He eats well, but only once a day. When he is there he watches the news and calls his family. He sleeps fitfully. “All you need is 30 minutes a day,” he said, not very convincingly. “The apartment is very close to one of our air-defence batteries.” The worst noise is when the Ukrainians manage to intercept a Russian missile and all the windows shake.

“I hate the Russians because they made me into a killer,” Sasha told me. “I never imagined in my life that I would have these sorts of feelings, and these feelings are disgusting to me. I am a religious person. I know people should not kill. But they made me. And because of them I will have to live with this feeling for the rest of my life.” I asked him to try to describe that feeling. There was a long silence. “I can’t say”, Sasha said. “I feel sorry for them. But with every Russian we kill we understand there are fewer of them on our land. I will fight until the end, until victory. If I stay alive of course.”

Kyiv’s suburbs are now battlegrounds. Russian troops shell indiscriminately, open fire on civilian cars trying to escape, loot shops and shoot people on their doorsteps. Sasha has heard terrible stories from friends in other units – of three women raped, of a civilian car shot up with five passengers inside, their bodies stripped of their winter coats then dumped in a ditch.

Sasha was recently in Irpin, a suburb of Kyiv that the Ukrainian government claims to have liberated recently after weeks of fierce fighting. His unit was sheltering behind a concrete wall as a barrage of Grad rockets, which are notoriously inaccurate, pummelled a residential area. When the bombardment was over, around 120 women and children stumbled out of the wreckage, looking dazed and disoriented. Deafened by the blasts, they couldn’t hear what the Ukrainian soldiers were telling them. Some, Sasha says, had blood trickling from their burst eardrums. The women told him that the Russians had promised to let them leave, but when a group of families gathered, the Russians shot the men, locked the women and children into a cellar and then withdrew while their artillery pounded the area.

“I am certain the Russians are employing deliberate scorched-earth tactics.” Sasha told me. “They can’t do anything tactically, so they are fighting like cowards against women and children. Russian soldiers can’t understand why they came here. But we know we are defending our land. We know what we are doing.”

Sasha scrolled through his phone, showing me footage of his unit training together. They need more vehicles and night-vision goggles, he said. Ideally he’d get a telescopic sight for his rifle, a second, better uniform of NATO standard as well as knee pads – because he risks injuring himself on a rock every time he has to drop suddenly to take aim.

“We are hitting them in the neck with the help of the British and the Americans,” Sasha said. Russian armour has proved to be no match for American and British anti-tank weapons. “Yes, we are winning, 100%.” But Sasha repeated, as all Ukrainians do, that the West needs to “close the skies” to Russian planes. “I can understand the world is frightened. No one wants war in their house, but if we don’t stop the war here, it will come to them anyway.”

He thinks the war will last “at least six months”. The Russian soldiers are “zombies. They will do anything Putin tells them,” he said. The Russians still have weapons, and there are 150m of them: “He can send as many people to die as he wants.”■
 

Cole Cash

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Genuinely wish I could speak freer about this in public but I can only say no matter what, you always lose a piece of yourself when you engage in activities that remove life from this planet. You can either see it as a necessary action that is done in the name of survival, or embrace and make it apart of your identity , the former allows for healing when it’s over. The latter is how you end up like these westerners and “;famed Canadian snipers” looking to continue what war made them into.
 

2Quik4UHoes

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Sad, but this has been a reality for many non-white people for a very long time now. I don’t mean to discredit the real trauma this person is going through. However, this conflict has laid bare the very deep hypocrisy when it comes to subjects like these. In some cases, these pathologies are harnessed and turned into cheap entertainment for the same people shedding crocodile tears and raising Ukrainian flags like stans right now. I’m reading this shyt Sasha going through, and wondering then how it must feel for some of my people fighting an ethnic based conflict where longtime neighbors and relatives suddenly turn on you and want you dead. But who cares? After all, that’s par for the course in Africa according to the prevailing worldview. It’s cause for alarm when it’s in Europe tho.

Even still, war is terrible no matter what color goes through it. Hope these people find healing in the future.
 
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get these nets

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Sad, but this has been a reality for many non-white people for a very long time now. I don’t mean to discredit the real trauma this person is going through. However, this conflict has laid bare the very deep hypocrisy when it comes to subjects like these. In some cases, these pathologies are harnessed and turned into cheap entertainment for the same people shedding crocodile tears and raising Ukrainian flags like stans right now. I’m reading this shyt Sasha going through, and wondering then how it must feel for some of my people fighting an ethnic based conflict where longtime neighbors and relatives suddenly turn on you and want you dead. But who cares? After all, that’s par for the course in Africa according to the prevailing worldview. It’s cause for alarm when it’s in Europe tho.
.

Yeah, as Bushwick said on The World Is A Ghetto

500 people died in guerilla warfare,
in a village in Africa, but didn't nobody care
=========


Posted about this recently

Kwibuka 28. Rwanda commemorates 1994 genocide against the Tutsis


Lot of attention was paid in the press and from the academy about the double standard on full display in the attention/attitudes about current crisis in the Ukraine versus crises in other regions of the world.

When these same writers opted to not write about, or interview diasporans about these other conflicts, or to even write about the Kwibuka, I realized that they were full of hot air . They don't care about those lives/deaths either, just standing on soap boxes,
 

Cole Cash

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Sad, but this has been a reality for many non-white people for a very long time now. I don’t mean to discredit the real trauma this person is going through. However, this conflict has laid bare the very deep hypocrisy when it comes to subjects like these. In some cases, these pathologies are harnessed and turned into cheap entertainment for the same people shedding crocodile tears and raising Ukrainian flags like stans right now. I’m reading this shyt Sasha going through, and wondering then how it must feel for some of my people fighting an ethnic based conflict where longtime neighbors and relatives suddenly turn on you and want you dead. But who cares? After all, that’s par for the course in Africa according to the prevailing worldview. It’s cause for alarm when it’s in Europe tho.

Even still, war is terrible no matter what color goes through it. Hope these people find healing in the future.

what got me the most was articles about "we wanna keep our language, our land" etc. When on my wifes reserve everything was taken and they continue to take more. "canadian snipers" go hard for ukraine but let first nations get beat abused and murdered on their own land.
 

2Quik4UHoes

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Yeah, as Bushwick said on The World Is A Ghetto

500 people died in guerilla warfare,
in a village in Africa, but didn't nobody care
=========


Posted about this recently

Kwibuka 28. Rwanda commemorates 1994 genocide against the Tutsis


Lot of attention was paid in the press and from the academy about the double standard on full display in the attention/attitudes about current crisis in the Ukraine versus crises in other regions of the world.

When these same writers opted to not write about, or interview diasporans about these other conflicts, or to even write about the Kwibuka, I realized that they were full of hot air . They don't care about those lives/deaths either, just standing on soap boxes,

Pretty much, which I think is one of the more cynical parts about all this. They’ve sold generous servings of bullshyt about a more tolerant world and how everyone should be upset because of this sudden detour from the norm but can’t escape the fact that this arrangement of “norms” is predicated on a tremendous amount of exploitation and discrimination.

The very genomics of the current world order make it both irredeemable in the eyes of its many victims and unfit to forge a truly just and fair world. After seeing what America has done and continues to do to countries like my family’s home of Ethiopia after being longtime allies and at times even lackeys I’ll never view the morality crusades of the West the same way ever again.

what got me the most was articles about "we wanna keep our language, our land" etc. When on my wifes reserve everything was taken and they continue to take more. "canadian snipers" go hard for ukraine but let first nations get beat abused and murdered on their own land.

It’s pretty cute to see them get on their high horse and then act all stunned if someone still brings up their own hypocrisy as if we were all supposed to move on and forget about it.
 
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