Traditional men's magazines are full of “required” man-skills like felling a tree or leaping from a moving car. We think it’d be better to learn some skills that could actually better our lives in the modern world.
BY GIN A. ANDO / PHOTOS BY ANDREW SNAVELY
Throughout our lives, we’re subject to a lot of tests that turn out to be completely irrelevant. Knowing how long the shadow of a tree will be in three hours as the sun sets is impressive (seriously), but the odds someone will hold you hostage and make you do a little calculus to win your freedom are fairly low.
Our days outside the classroom and office demand more. The life skills we learn help us get through the mundane quickly and effectively. They also help us experience everything we can in any given situation.
And while there are myriad skills and proficiencies to master, here are a dozen that can actually change your life.
1. How to Quit Something You Don’t Want To
With how busy everyone is nowadays, it’s hard to prohibit yourself from doing something that gives you instant joy. As I write this, I’m on week three without cigarettes. (Not nicotine, I’m on the patch).
But I didn’t want to quit. I enjoyed smoking, the feeling it gave. The mental release it triggered and the ability to just get away.
But I had to quit. I obviously didn’t “care” enough about my health to quit for the sake of my lungs, but every other part of my character didn’t agree with it.
You have to have a real reason to quit something you love—something that’s more deeply rooted in your being than pleasure. For me it was the fact that I care about nature and hate seeing cigarette butts everywhere.
A lame reason to everyone else? Yes. But to me, it was more than enough.
Experts at the Mayo Clinic have a multi-faceted approach (to quit smoking), but there’s a lesson we can all internalize and gain strength from. Some life lessons on quitting:
- Always—always—think about why you’re quitting what you’re quitting
- Join a support group (even if it’s just online support)
- Talk to friends and family members you trust
- Run, lift, pull out some weeds—do anything to get the blood flowing and better your health
- Avoid situations that make you want to do the thing you’re quitting
2. How to End a Conversation
Sometimes, smiling and nodding while slowly walking backward out of the door just isn’t enough.
Let’s think about this clinically: We’ve all been the person who wants to end the conversation. The longer it goes, the more awkward it becomes. The more awkward it becomes, the higher the chances that it could go sideways quickly. It’s in everybody’s best interest if you’re being honest about it. Not honest like “This is really uninteresting, so I’m going to leave” honest, but ending a conversation when it should end.
Feel the conversation out and cut it when there’s a break in the dialog. After laughter tapers off from a joke, for instance.
Forbes has a great piece on professionally ending conversations gracefully that are just the right balance of politeness and firmness. The key is to tailor your dialogue based on the situation. If you’re in a social setting, tell the person you need to meet and greet others. Maybe you need to get back to eating at a restaurant.
If anything, you can make a conscious effort to make it seem like it’s your schedule’s fault for cutting the conversation short. Ask how to get in contact afterward (if you truly want to)—and then do it.
You also might be surprised at how well a handshake and, “Well, it’s been great talking to you,” works at politely terminating the encounter.
3. How to Make Small Talk
Although it might seem strange, small talk isn’t necessarily a 100 percent visceral, on-the-fly kind of conversation. The keys here are to practice. Always keep a few topics you can talk about (current events, sports, not the weather), and actually know about them.
And, maybe most importantly, ask open-ended questions. That way you won’t get stuck with the “Fine” answer to the ole “How are you doing?”
The Secret to Successful Small Talk
Indiana University Southeast’s Shyness Research Institute (It’s real—click the link) breaks it down into five steps:
- Setting talk — make a comment about something!
- Introduce yourself
- Feel out for a topic of discussion
- Expand a topic interesting to both you and the other person
- End it (be sure to mention that you’re grateful for the conversation).
4. How to Master Fear of Rejection
Rejection happens. Seriously. If you’re batting 1,000, you’ve most likely only been up once. Whether it’s in the business world or in the dating realm, rejection and the fear of it should never trump your sense of adventurousness and wonder.
The “what-if” question. That stupid, omnipresent “Do you ever want to live wondering ‘what-if’?” question. But it’s true.
Ask yourself what the worst-case scenario reallyis in any given situation. And although it’s a modified form of setting the bar low, it should also give you the ability to just go out there and do it.
It’s nearly impossible to not want to belong, according to the American Psychological Association (in a more eloquent way, of course). But it’s the pain—strangely—that teaches us a lesson. It teaches us perseverance. That life goes on, guys. And that’s the most important part to remember. You may never see the person who rejected you ever again.
What’s there to lose?
5. How to Use Photoshop
By this point, needing to know your way around Photoshop is on par with requisite Microsoft Word knowledge. Whether putting together a banner for your office, touching up a photo you’re giving as a gift, or simply “enhancing” your online dating profile pics, the ability to manipulate and create images is incredibly important in our culture. I’ve been “shopping” things for years now, and although my knowledge of shortcuts isn’t up to par to, say, a designer, my ability to put faces on things is unmatched.
There’s only one real tool you need to start: the magnetic lasso. By being able to select things accurately (and cut, re-tone, blur, whatever), you can do mostly anything.
If you haven’t signed up for Lynda.com—it’s a great site, really—check out their tutorial here.
When it comes to editing photos, a couple settings come into mind. My fiancée is a professional photographer (I think putting googly eyes and faces on things is sacrilege to her), and according to her, “Curves” and “Levels” are two of the most important and powerful things Photoshop can do. You can make blacks blacker, colors more vibrant, wash out the grays, anything.
Curves, levels, and the magnetic lasso.
6. How to Listen (Really Listen)
A conversation is more than just keeping up. When you listen to things—actually remember small, passing details—you become a more thoughtful conversation partner. You can bring things up in later conversations (subsequent dates, for instance) and become, quite possibly, the greatest gift giver of all time.
Because if you actually listen to people, it shows that you care. And that’s really one of the best gifts you can give. This Wall Street Journal piece can help get you started. In it, Julian Treasure, an author and speaker—and also host of a TED Talk—breaks it down into four parts: receive (pay attention), appreciate (show visually that you’re paying attention), summarize (repeat what’s being said) and ask questions afterward to show you understood it all.
7. How to Speak in Front of People
Be excited. Know your material. Don’t rely on slides.
Know that it takes a little time to get used to if you’re not always doing it. So says TED talker Susan Cain, at least.
And she should know—as someone who doesn’t like the attention of public speaking (i.e. an introvert doing a TED talk.
Perhaps most importantly, you can read your audience, Cain asserts. You’re on a sometimes metaphorical pedestal, and you’ve got the attention of everyone. Don’t waste it. Speak as though you’re having a conversation with each and every person, and you’re golden.
8. How to Make Healthy Foods Delicious
Whether it’s chicken, rice, or vegetables, healthy foods don’t have to be bland. Even if you’re stuck with some microwave-in-bag veggies, a little mustard and vinaigrette can make anything delicious.
With that, also look into healthy alternatives to favorites. Pureed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes, spaghetti squash instead of spaghetti. Olive oil has good fat and adds a savory, full taste to anything. Because if there’s one thing about healthy foods, they mostly all absorb flavors readily.
Little dashes of garlic powder (or even just sautéed garlic) and other spices and herbs like rosemary and oregano can do wonders for alternatives like quinoa.
This is also a good time to mention that you don’t have to cook rice with water. Like the sweet, sweet creamy gold that is risotto, try cooking your rice with chicken stock. It’s a meal in itself!
If you find yourself staring at the chicken breasts in your refrigerator, you don’t have to settle for grilling every single one. A mustard sauce—which is tasty, tangy, and actually OK to slather on—will do it wonders: Mix up some Dijon mustard with a little olive oil and some freshly chopped herbs. That’s it. It’s creamy and brings out the succulence of baked chicken like nothing else.
Looking for more? Primer has a ton of stuff on food and cooking.
