15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb Announces Pregnancy

[88m3]

15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy
DECEMBER 4, 2012 | ISSUE 48•49 | MORE NEWS


Share on Tumblr
RELATED ARTICLES

MCCOMB, AL—In an announcement that quickly set Lowndes County abuzz with excitement, royal family sources revealed Tuesday that Brandy Puckett, 15, Duchess of McComb and first in the line of succession to the throne, was pregnant with her first child.

“Brandy’s got a baby in her!” said Duke Bo Puckett, 17, addressing a rabid mob of reporters and paparazzi gathered around the back porch of the royal estate. “She hadn’t bled for quite a spell, so we took her to the doctor and he said she’s gonna be a mama.”

Ending widespread speculation that the duchess was “sick with something on account of she was throwing up,” McComb palace officials confirmed that Duchess Brandy was three months pregnant, would give birth early next summer, and had already put in for two months of maternity leave from the local Price Chopper.

“Don’t know who the daddy is yet,” said Brandy’s mother Lurline III, the unmarried, 28-year-old reigning Queen of McComb. “Might could be her pa’s, but probably not, though. Me, I reckon it’s most likely either [Earl of Lowndesboro] Clyde’s or [Gordonville High Count] Darryl’s.”

“Whosever it is, I ain’t taking care of it,” Her Royal Highness added.

Though the byzantine, incestuous royal ancestry of McComb is reportedly impossible to trace for more than a couple of generations, experts on the family confirmed that the duchess’s child is set to move ahead of Brandy’s six brothers and eight sisters in the line of succession, presumptively becoming monarch directly after Brandy herself.

“It’s a figurehead position, ’course,” said Lord “Skeeter” Puckett, who explained that real power in Lowndes County ultimately resides with the sheriff. “The child’s role will be to please the people; enjoy the life of McComb royalty, free from responsibility; wave at the public through the screen door; wear the royal camouflage sun hat; and fill his or her days with recreational game hunting, fishing, and off-road driving in the royal pickup.”

The pregnancy announcement came as welcome news for the royal family, which has endured numerous scandals, the most recent of which was the McComb Enquirer’s publication of a nude photo of all 53 of Brandy’s cousins.

At press time, sources confirmed the duchess had been hospitalized for a Vicodin overdose.

15-Year-Old Duchess Of McComb, AL Announces Pregnancy | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

 

[Slaimon Khan Shah]

Don't younger women and men have healthier babies?

 

[Fillerguy]

Don't younger women and men have healthier babies?

Muslims folks are some of the healthiest folks on the planet

 

[Slaimon Khan Shah]

Muslims folks are some of the healthiest folks on the planet

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to cleanse his mouth over 1400 years ago with a Miswak (tooth stick). It's only been around 200 years that people in the U.S.A have been using tooth brushes.

 

[Type Username Here]

88m3, can you stop spamming the board with this nonsense you baby dikk motherfukker.

 

[88m3]

88m3, can you stop spamming the board with this nonsense you baby dikk motherfukker.

feeling insecure tonight




You lost your argument last night by the way.

 

[Type Username Here]

feeling insecure tonight




You lost your argument last night by the way.

Did you run out of Palestinian Baby Blood to drink tonight? Your posting garbage non-stop now.

 

[theworldismine13]

these onion threads should be moved to jbo

 

[88m3]

Palestine isn't even on the world map



@Type Username Here

 

[88m3]

these onion threads should be moved to jbo

Give the Duchess of McComb, Alabama a little bit of respect.

 

[the cac mamba]

i read that line "brenda's got a baby"

 

[Mowgli]

Its like if this fakkit 88m isnt talking about a fly taking a shyt in the middle east hes posting trash threads like this. fukk is wrong with this buzzard.