What started as a routine missionary trip for Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson ended up as a boon for Islamic terrorism, so says the Filipino government.
"I wasn't expecting anything bad to happen," says the olive-toned Wilson, fully-flexed quadriceps glistening in the tropic sun. "But these dudes came out of no where, definitely not what I counted on."
The normally exuberant and happy-go-lucky Wilson revealed something that might make most people's hairs stand up: he inadvertently helped the world's most insidious terror group: ISIS.
It all started in the outskirts of Pukulani, a shantytown off the eastern coast of the small Pacific archipelago. Wilson frequents this impoverished village every year. His missionary trip to the dot-sized city is something he prides himself on.
That was until terrorism broke out.
The Philippines have been ravaged by Islamic terrorism in recent years, and as Wilson soon learned, he may have accidentally given ISIS a big financial boost.
That's because, per tradition, Wilson donated $20,000 with the intent of helping the town subsidize farming, entertainment, and healthcare costs.
Wilson's public relation firm, Global Athelete Communications, declined to comment, but Wilson concedes "[he] should've used better judgement."
"I had no idea I gave the terrorists money," he says, rubbing his veiny, firmly pumped deltoids, "But hey, shyt happens, right? OYYOY."
'isishawks'
@ this ISIShawk loving, welfare abusing, high school dropout dodging the sad reality that has befallen his favorite team and his fellow fans.
at these fools not knowing Russell Wilson funds terror organizations @Wachaveli @BigDyckBradyWater
for this shyt