Inside the 'Asian Men Black Women' Dating Scene | VICE | United States
I first learned about the "Asian Men Black Women" (AMBW) community about seven months ago, when I was on a date with a black girl. She seemed to really like the fact that I was Asian. She grew up watching K-pop, and said she would always think, Asian guys were so cute. The "cute" had the tone one would use when describing a baby. "I always wanted to have one," she said, looking into my eyes.
Later that night, she invited me to the Asian Men Black Women Persuasion Facebook group. I joined and saw thousands of Asian men and black women engaging in a rich cultural exchange. They were posting photos of themselves, discussing social justice, sharing viral videos. Some of them advertised real life meet-ups and dating events.
I live in New York City, so I figured I could find at least one AMBW meet-up group. And I did: Asian Men and Black Women Connections NYC. The activities they had seemed genuinely fun: vineyard tours, game nights, beach outings, and so on. I messaged Ron, the group administrator, and suggested a meet-up I wanted to attend: "South African Food @ Madiba Restaurant." He approved, and addressed any apprehension about my presence in the event description: "A writer, Zach Schwartz, may be in attendance. He promises that the article will be positive; he is Asian himself, and a recent member to this group."
In the way that Asian men have been distorted to reflect femininity, so too have black women become masculinized.
As a biracial Asian-American growing up in Ohio, I felt that because of my Asian features, there was something inherently unattractive about me. One of my most vivid childhood memories was sitting in my dad's car after he took me to ice cream because I was upset about being called a "chink" the week before, crying as I told him that "no girl would ever like me because I'm Asian."
I'm no longer insecure about my Taiwanese heritage—it's one of my biggest blessings—but I did have reason to be insecure about my looks. Recent statistics have shown that East Asian men (in this article, I'll use "Asian" as shorthand for East Asian men, who are Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, and so on) are viewed as the least desirable male partners in American society. In a 2007 speed-dating study by Columbia University, women said yes to an Asian man 50 percent less often, demonstrating a "significant preference against Asian males." A 2008 Princeton dating study found that 93.4 percent of white women with a racial preference said they would never date an Asian or half-Asian.
The unattractiveness of Asian-American men can be linked to their perceived lack of masculinity. Masculinity in American culture is an idea often predicated on aggressiveness and promiscuity. In Asian culture, however, masculinity is generally tied to mental strength, being a provider, and accepting familial responsibility. Furthermore, Asian boys are taught deference to authority at home. "'The loudest duck gets shot' is a Chinese proverb," observed critic Wesley Yang in his 2011 essay on the popular misconception of Asian-American success. He offered its Western correlative: "The squeaky wheel gets the grease," where complaint often yields reward.
The perceived passivity in Asian men can be interpreted through American eyes as femininity, and the consequences of this manifest in everything from Asian men's near-exclusive representation as "bottoms" in gay porn, to the bamboo ceiling, a term for Asians' lack of leadership representationin the workforce. Although Asians are five percent of the population, they only make up 0.3 percent of C-level executives. In society, the idea of an Asian being an alpha male can be a foreign one.
I first learned about the "Asian Men Black Women" (AMBW) community about seven months ago, when I was on a date with a black girl. She seemed to really like the fact that I was Asian. She grew up watching K-pop, and said she would always think, Asian guys were so cute. The "cute" had the tone one would use when describing a baby. "I always wanted to have one," she said, looking into my eyes.
Later that night, she invited me to the Asian Men Black Women Persuasion Facebook group. I joined and saw thousands of Asian men and black women engaging in a rich cultural exchange. They were posting photos of themselves, discussing social justice, sharing viral videos. Some of them advertised real life meet-ups and dating events.
I live in New York City, so I figured I could find at least one AMBW meet-up group. And I did: Asian Men and Black Women Connections NYC. The activities they had seemed genuinely fun: vineyard tours, game nights, beach outings, and so on. I messaged Ron, the group administrator, and suggested a meet-up I wanted to attend: "South African Food @ Madiba Restaurant." He approved, and addressed any apprehension about my presence in the event description: "A writer, Zach Schwartz, may be in attendance. He promises that the article will be positive; he is Asian himself, and a recent member to this group."
In the way that Asian men have been distorted to reflect femininity, so too have black women become masculinized.
As a biracial Asian-American growing up in Ohio, I felt that because of my Asian features, there was something inherently unattractive about me. One of my most vivid childhood memories was sitting in my dad's car after he took me to ice cream because I was upset about being called a "chink" the week before, crying as I told him that "no girl would ever like me because I'm Asian."
I'm no longer insecure about my Taiwanese heritage—it's one of my biggest blessings—but I did have reason to be insecure about my looks. Recent statistics have shown that East Asian men (in this article, I'll use "Asian" as shorthand for East Asian men, who are Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, and so on) are viewed as the least desirable male partners in American society. In a 2007 speed-dating study by Columbia University, women said yes to an Asian man 50 percent less often, demonstrating a "significant preference against Asian males." A 2008 Princeton dating study found that 93.4 percent of white women with a racial preference said they would never date an Asian or half-Asian.
The unattractiveness of Asian-American men can be linked to their perceived lack of masculinity. Masculinity in American culture is an idea often predicated on aggressiveness and promiscuity. In Asian culture, however, masculinity is generally tied to mental strength, being a provider, and accepting familial responsibility. Furthermore, Asian boys are taught deference to authority at home. "'The loudest duck gets shot' is a Chinese proverb," observed critic Wesley Yang in his 2011 essay on the popular misconception of Asian-American success. He offered its Western correlative: "The squeaky wheel gets the grease," where complaint often yields reward.
The perceived passivity in Asian men can be interpreted through American eyes as femininity, and the consequences of this manifest in everything from Asian men's near-exclusive representation as "bottoms" in gay porn, to the bamboo ceiling, a term for Asians' lack of leadership representationin the workforce. Although Asians are five percent of the population, they only make up 0.3 percent of C-level executives. In society, the idea of an Asian being an alpha male can be a foreign one.