Assess my cover letter, What changes should I make? Would u consider hiring me

[DrX]

Dear Hiring Manager,


Hi My name is _____and I’m a professional _____ and_____. Ill try to keep this quick for your convenience. I have a college degree and well over a decade worth of experience, but most importantly the quality of my work is excellent. I have customer service experience from working retail jobs, and from freelancing. I can complete assignments really fast and make sure make clients happy, and help your company make money, which is the bottom line anyway. Check out my portfolio, I’m versatile I have multiple styles, I can do the boring stuff aswell as create real art with an original style. Check out_______.com


So please give my portfolio a fair assessment, and if you like it please contact me back. Also I plan on moving to the NYC metro area soon, so relocation is already in the works, You don't have to worry about paying for that.


Thanks for reading
Sincerely

________

...........................................


My work is fire and I tried being my my real self instead of pandering, My goal is that real will recognize real and somebody win HR will fukk with me off the strength that im honest and my work is fire. The universe always connect like minds

 

[Box Factory]

Too wordy and casual.

Use more industry jargon for whatever field you're in. Try to get some keywords related to the field, a lot of companies use software for resume and cover letter screening.

Maybe try to be less general and more specific with the skills you have

 

[FlexPavilion]

Your grammatical errors will be the first reason they don't call you back. Secondly, your cover letter should be very specific to the job you want. Listing all the things you've done is what your resume is for.

 

[Freedman]

Prolly wanna change "a college degree" to an "Associates in blah blah "

 

[Mr Rager]

Hey employer, my work is awesome bro, trust me. Check out my website and follow me on twitter.


^^^^That's what your shyt sounds like. Write it more professionally

 

[DrX]

Your grammatical errors will be the first reason they don't call you back. Secondly, your cover letter should be very specific to the job you want. Listing all the things you've done is what your resume is for.

naw I dont got time for a new letter per job...I write one and attach it .....my work is so fire...it should matter anyway

 

[MikeyC]

Too wordy, too much begging, too much casual talk. Them nikkaz go through dozens upon dozens of applications, so your cover letter has gotta be short n snappy to try and catch the employers eye.

I've made a few amendments to yours if you want to use it:

Dear MikeyC,

With regards to the post currently advertised on your website/newspaper/wherever. Please find attached a copy of my CV/Resume for your consideration.

I am very interested in this position as I feel I have the required experience and knowledge of this environment. I possess a college degree and well over a decades worth of customer service experience from working in multiple fast paced environments.

I would be very happy to discuss my application further with you, please do not hesitate to contact me either via my e-mail or on mobile.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind Regards

Dr.X

Let your CV do the history and boring shyt.

 

[TRFG]

Dear Hiring Manager,


Hi My name is _____and I’m a professional _____ and_____. Ill try to keep this quick for your convenience. I have a college degree and well over a decade worth of experience, but most importantly the quality of my work is excellent. I have customer service experience from working retail jobs, and from freelancing. I can complete assignments really fast and make sure make clients happy, and help your company make money, which is the bottom line anyway. Check out my portfolio, I’m versatile I have multiple styles, I can do the boring stuff aswell as create real art with an original style. Check out_______.com


So please give my portfolio a fair assessment, and if you like it please contact me back. Also I plan on moving to the NYC metro area soon, so relocation is already in the works, You don't have to worry about paying for that.


Thanks for reading
Sincerely

________

...........................................


My work is fire and I tried being my my real self instead of pandering, My goal is that real will recognize real and somebody win HR will fukk with me off the strength that im honest and my work is fire. The universe always connect like minds

Lost it at "I can do the boring stuff".

 

[GreenGrass]

Hey employer, my work is awesome bro, trust me. Check out my website and follow me on twitter.


^^^^That's what your shyt sounds like. Write it more professionally

 

[DrX]

Too wordy, too much begging, too much casual talk. Them nikkaz go through dozens upon of applications, so your cover letter has gotta be short n snappy to try and catch the employers eye.

I've made a few amendments to yours if you want to use it:



Let your CV do the history and boring shyt.

sold!!!!

im using this....

 

[DrX]

Hey employer, my work is awesome bro, trust me. Check out my website and follow me on twitter.


^^^^That's what your shyt sounds like. Write it more professionally

if the work is fire...once they see it, thats all that matters anyway

 

[Black Nate Grey]

Dear Hiring Manager,

My name is _____and I’m a professional _____ and_____. I have a college degree (Honestly this college degree part should be in the Resume portion, but its your call) along with well over a decades worth of (Insert relevant work field here) work experience, these two factors ensure that the quality of my work is excellent. I have customer service experience from working various retail jobs, and from varied forms of freelancing. Most importantly however, I complete assignments in a quick and organized fashion, following the specific parameters set by the company along with the clients wishes so both parties are satisfied doing business with each other. Check out my portfolio, I’m versatile, flexible and I have multiple styles. If you wish to see for yourself please check out_______.com

If you find everything to your liking please don't hesitate to contact me at:
(Insert relevant contact info here)


Thanks for reading
Sincerely

________

...........................................

I don't know enough to do a better job, but do something along this line.

 

[DrX]

Too wordy, too much begging, too much casual talk. Them nikkaz go through dozens upon dozens of applications, so your cover letter has gotta be short n snappy to try and catch the employers eye.

I've made a few amendments to yours if you want to use it:



Let your CV do the history and boring shyt.

only thing is this dont mention what I do...Im not trying to do customer service anymore...I just wanted them to know that I how to interact with people

 

[FlexPavilion]

naw I dont got time for a new letter per job...I write one and attach it .....my work is so fire...it should matter anyway

and they're going to realize you a copy and paste type of nikka and send your email to the recycle bin. Some of it you can retain for every letter, like the intro, but you gotta do some research on the company and impress them with what you already know about them. You have to stand out from the 100 other people that want the job. Especially if your name is Jamal or Antwon. They're never going to see your "fire" work cuz your grammar and sentence structure is wack.

You gotta come correct on your cover letter, b

 

[DrX]

I don't know enough to do a better job, but do something along this line.

thanks, damn this is good also